What A Diffierence

So the magazine rack has become a new favorite toy for LP. As I was putting them away, for the umpteenth time, the other evening I realized how far my little life has morphed...

From my single days: Trav.el & Leisure, Food & Wi.ne, and US W.eekly

In my early married days: Livi.ng, Bod.y & Soul, Paula Dea.n and Rachel Ray

Now: This O.ld H.ouse, Taste of Ho.me Healthy Cooking, and Parent.ing

My how times change.

Outed

Sad as it is I woke up at 6am thinking, "Should I out myself today? I said I would if I made it this far."

So there it is. I outed myself due to our lovely little heartbeat on Monday.

I was surprised by the relief it brought. I enjoyed not hiding my belly anymore, trying not to hold LP a certain way or at all when around others, or doing that unconcious belly rub. I actually started to enjoy my current state.

Of course once I started telling people and emailing a few I was sure that I had jinxed the pregnancy and that it was all over. (Sigh)... then I gave myself a quick mental slap and remembered to keep it together.

It's too late. The information is out there in the public. It still makes me nervous when I think about it but... I am pregnant. And if, Heaven forbid, I lose this pregnancy I will want all the support I can get.

The hardest was emailing two IRL friends who are struggling with fertility issues. On one level I realize that I have struggled so it's not like I am "one of those people"-- but we all know it can be just as hurtful and painful. One I emailed out of necessity due to distance. The other I see on occassion due to work and explained I wanted her to be able to have any first reaction she wanted without feeling like she was being judged.

It's really hard to tell people in a gentle way and I did feel a little guilty while typing. I guess that's par for the course though.

How Do The Normals Do It?

Really.

That's my biggest questions right now.

How do the normal people tell others they are pregnant? With such ease? Happiness? Joy?

How do they just blurt out, "I'M PREGNANT!!!" Then float about the room smiling ear- to- ear?

The simple, easy answer is ignorance. They just don't know better.

Which is why they are normal and I am not.

Clearly, I am showing and working very hard to hide it. However, people are raising their eyebrows. I can see the question written all over their silent face.

(You know I actually went out and purchased two maternity items last week?? Big moment I know! )

I need to start telling people, I go in for a 13-week heartbeat check on Monday. If all goes well, I told myself that I would start telling people.

It just freaks me out a little. Okay, maybe more than a little.

More like a few notches below panic but a hefty upgrade from "Oh, sweet Lord..."

The Beat Goes On

Baby's heartbeat was ticking away yesterday- although I was measuring a little further along than last time.

While I should have been 10w6d today I was 11w1d. However, it was my doctor and not the u/s tech that did the measurements this time. Umm, but I don't care- it puts me that much closer to the 2T.

So there it is.

The heartbeat was still 182 but our doctor was not concerned. She said it was nice and strong and that various things can affect it- like dehydration. So I am going to try and start drinking more water.

I does make me a little nervous that it's so high but I am trying to take the road of "If she's not worried about it then I won't be worried about it."

We might actually have a January baby :) Neat, huh??

Laziness

That's really what it is.

I. am. just. lazy.

A while back we moved my home office upstairs- from downstairs.

I used to waste the few precious, non-filled hours I had on my laptop, sitting on the couch surfing the internet. And of course, perusing everyone's blog while adding my own updates.

Now everything is upstairs. Up. that. long. flight. to. no. where. ville.

There isn't even a bathroom up here. Yet. It's a distant dream of ours.

As much as I adore you all and deeply want to know how you are all doing. I just can't seem to make myself take my boo- tay up those damn stairs.

Now that I have a bit more work, it will force me up here. But seriously people, I need to get my office back downstairs. Clearly, I am just too lazy. Quite frankly, I miss you all!

Is there anything that your laziness prevents you from doing?

Love Potion #9

Indeed.

8w6d.

Heartbeat 182.

EDD 01/20/10.

Thirlled.

Nervous.

Hurdles to still jump.

But, hopeful this won't break my heart.

On Leave

I will be gone for our beach vacation this upcoming week but wanted to wish everyone a nice, quiet, uneventful, non- drama week.

While I am starting to feel anxious I am planning on enjoying this trip.

The next time you hear from me I will be able to tell you if we saw a heartbeat (God, willing the answer will be a resounding 'yes!').

Enjoy your week!!!

I Guess

When you have been pregnant 9 times your stomach just goes *bleh, blub, blub*.

I haven't been able to button my pants for two weeks. Adding further insult I was forced to wear maternity pants to church.

Those factors make it difficult to ignore my condition. And too hide it.

Sorry For The Delay

I am still technically pregnant.

I find it odd that I say that- as if somehow I am not "really" pregnant because we don't know if we have a heartbeat or if I am going to miscarry. It's like I need to qualify or justify my state of mind somehow.

Anyway...

I have had two more labs. My 5- day lab (3rd draw) was 375. My final, and 4th draw (4 days later) was 3310.

This is encouraging and the numbers were much higher than we hoped for.

LP is keeping me busy (who is literally climbing on everything) along with work- both excellent distractions. I am left worried at times because I am not constantly checking in with symptoms. So this leads me to worry that they aren't strong enough- to which I have to remind myself that I could get distracted from my symptoms while I was carrying LP.

So then I wonder if we are having a boy since it's like LP's pregnancy- which leaves me feeling annoyed with myself because I am jumping way ahead of myself and the situation.

(Oh- I also worry that I jinxed the pregnancy as I found out my due date.)

You know the drill. The roller coaster. Blah, blah, blah...

I should be solidly into my 8th week by time the u/s rolls around- June 16th.

Here's to hoping that drinks will be on the house that day!

What You Don't Know

So straight to what you really want to know...

In five days my betas went from 66 to 375. The doubling rate slowed from the 48- hour draw by 8 hours (you can thank betabase.com)... of course it also told me that I am average for my age range.

I know that I am being nit-picky. You would be too. Admit it!!

Treatment should be by the end of the week. I am going to talk to the nurse tomorrow.

My ob wants me to come in for another lab on Friday so that she can figure out what she is looking for in the u/s. Originally, it was scheduled for next Tuesday but I know it will be too early to see anything (I've concluded that I was 11dpo when I took the pregnancy test) and L will be out of town until Thursday.

Then we leave for the beach Saturday with L's family. So I think that we are going to wait until the week of the 15th. We should see something definitive by then.

I know that it seems forever (and it is) but I don't want to be worried or sad over vacation and waiting another week isn't going to change the outcome of this pregnancy. So I am going to go with "what you don't know won't hurt you."

At least in this situation.

I hope.

Another

Another what?

Positive pregnancy test. After all, that is what I do best. Well, what L and I do best.

I actually got it last week but didn't want to post until I had more info to provide.

Before telling you I would like you to know that we have the Intralipi.d treatment set up and if it works--- it will cost about 5% of what IVIg did. So if the cost of immune testing/ treatment has been holding you back in the world of IF/ RPL--- please make an appt. with SIR.M. The whole treatment is quite affordable considering at what we look at paying for many things!!!

My 48 hour betas were the following:
1st Draw- 22, Progesterone, 23

2nd Draw- 66

I go in for another beta on Monday (today) and if that looks good we will have a treatment on Friday!

I am starting to get nervous because I realize how much faith I am putting into this treatment. I don't want to be disappointed.

Chin up though- I can do this.

Pregnancy #6 was lucky and maybe #9 will be too.

Offically One!

And with that came his first temper tantrum in public. Ahhh... the sweet sounds of hysteria and having "that kid."

I was a tough two years to get here, it was a tough year to get through- but I loved every minute and I know how truly blessed I am.

I hope that you had a fabulous birthday little man- I couldn't love anyone more!!!

Save Me From Myself

Are there days where you just do so many stupid things that you wonder, "How did I make it this far in life?"

**On a side note-- LP has seemed to chill and slept through the night last night (knock on wood...)

Serious Regression

So I have been swamped with work (I am taking on more to try and cover the car payments).

LP has decided to stop napping despite being e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d. and cries for (literally) an hour(s) at a time. So the only time I have to work is after 8pm when L is home and puts him to bed.

This is not just a cry- that's too mild. It's a bone-chilling-oh-my-god-save-me-something-is-eating-me-shrill-cry.

He cries when I hold him.

He cries when I put him down.

He cries when I try to feed him.

He cries after I have given him M.otrin.

He cries after gas drops.

He wakes up the instant I put him down in the crib (despite be sound asleep seconds before) at both nap time and bedtime.

He was sleeping solid through the night (after we did the modified CIO) for about 3 months!

Now, we are back to square one.

Is it because he is walking?

Because he is about to turn one?

Is it separation anxiety?

A combination?

I swear I am about to shoot myself. Help!

Are You Freakin' Kidding Me??

After about a two weeks of debating, we finally made the plunge to buy the "preloved" car.

We had a little extra money coming in from a side job that L held- I thought, "We'll use it for backup if there is month where I don't get work."

I came home with the car at 4:15pm.

Do you know what happened at 6:45pm?

L got an email saying that that he would be taking a 70% pay cut on that job. He never even got a warning sign that things were amiss with the company. Had we'd known we wouldn't have purchased the car.

I am trying so hard not to freak out and keep faith that God will provide a way for us.

Shit.

CD1

She arrived today so I guess I did ovulate...

I was a little upset at first but then I remembered how life was before LP, waaaay before LP.

There was a span of 8 months when I wasn't ovulating at all. I was so upset by every month that went by because I wasn't even given the chance to have a baby.

This month I have another chance to try.

So, today, I am grateful to have Cycle #2 so that I can continue my pursuit of #2.

I Wish

that I had some fabulous reason as to why I have been a slack ass in the world of blogging. But I don't. I have just been swamped, swamped with work.

However, my husband did leave today not knowing if we were going to purchase that "preloved" car or not. He said it was my decision.

Is he really trusting me or is he just flat out crazy??

Mu-wa-hahahaha ;)

So Much To Say

And so little time to say it- so here's the outline!

- Busy, busy with work. Which is good because that means a paycheck but it also means I am working with a particularly undesirable client type.

- Had a fabulous birthday! It was great and the best one I have had in several years. Score me!

- Annoyed as SIR.M and my Ob have been playing phone tag.

- But maybe not so bad because I do I have 't think I have o'ed yet. Had some sings but nothing concrete.

- Worried because the last time I didn't "o" it took me 8 months to finally get there.

- Hello, CD 20 (ugh!)

- Our little man, sweet LP, had his 11- month birthday!

- We officially have a toddler! Yes, you read that right :))))

- LP has been dying to walk but just not able to get up the courage to try. Then "wham!" he took his first steps. I was so proud of him, I immediately called my entire family.

- Keep in mind, he still prefers crawling as his mode of transportation. Wait, scratch that. He'd rather be carried :)

If Pets Reflect?

I was reading Megs blog the other day where she was talking about animals reflecting their owners behavior. If that's true, meet our dog Chase!

(Don't be alarmed- the white you see if actually blue! He is half Husky and Golden Retriever so one eye is half blue and half brown.)

Chase enjoys the following: Chocolate (which he will search out, take off tables, and pull out of bags), naps, sitting, laying in the sun, treats, and taunting our two outside cats when we aren't looking.

So basically he likes food and is lazy. Yep, I think that sums us up!

What does your pet say about you??

Oh, My!

I haven't been this excited to jump in the sack in a long time!

Hoping we catch a sticky one this month :)