My Boys

Quick Nutshell

I could not have asked for a better labor, when I arrived I was already 3cm :)

After 14 hours, including 1-1/2 hours of pushing, LP's little BROTHER arrived!!

Pictures will follow soon- I hope :) Lord help me- a house full of boys!

It's All Downhill

Or at least that's what I hear people say... who are these "people" anyway???

I digress and make jokes when I am nervous or anxious as you can plainly see above.

Why? Because Induction Day has come, well actually, the Eve Before Induction has come (even though by the time you read this I will have been at the hospital since 6am.)

I am a bundle of emotions right now.

This might be my baby's birthday! Well, let's at least hope so.

I cried after dropping LP off at Mothers Morning Out. I am going to miss my snuggle time with him, eating breakfast with him, constantly having to read books to him... Alright, I have to stop- I am tearing up again. I have to keep reminding myself that it's not as if I am never going to see him again. It's just going to be different. Different is okay. Sigh...

Okay, on to some highlights for the day!

-I have called a few friends and L and excitedly told them that I had lost small pieces of my mucus plug. Gross, but if you can't tell your closest mom friends and husband who can you tell?

-I am also feeling a bit like a princess because I saved some money to get a mani/pedi today AND L and I got our Christmas present to each other today...

-Our house professionally cleaned! They did a pretty good job and were worth the money :) They cleaned everything, including all the baseboards and window sills.

-I also picked up some yellow roses today in memory of mom. I would like to take them with me tomorrow morning but don't see how that's really practical.

-I got to bake my chocolate chip cookies.

I am hoping that all goes well tomorrow. I am accepting any good vibes and well wishes that are offered so please don't hesitate!

I keep thinking about why I am anxious and nervous.

I am hoping that I can do this. That I can have a labor that I don't hate- or regret. That I can be a *good* mom to two kids. That I can still be a good wife. That I can still be a good employee. That I can still like who I am at the end of most days. I hope that on the days when I fall short that I will be gentle and forgiving of myself.

It all sounds so simple and yet, it's such a tall order.

I am nervous about going to sleep because then it will be tomorrow. And it's all downhill from there. (Sigh...) Good thing I got some Ty.lenol PM.

I will do my best to post as soon as I can on how everything went. Thank you all for the continuous love you have shown!

Wow.

So much to say and yet, nothing to say at all.

The holidays were good, not great, but good. I got a stomach virus two days before Christmas Eve. Then on Christmas the rest of my extended family got it- it wasn't until evening time so we were able to enjoy the day. It appeared to the gift that kept on giving.

My biggest step??? I have my induction scheduled. Eeeek!!!

I am not going to reveal the date but it's soon. Very soon. I suspect I will post before heading off to meet the newest family member.

I am terrified and excited all at once. I will miss my snuggle time with LP and being our little family of three. I have cried about it several times but I am excited to meet this baby and add to our family. Having my "end date" has given me the ability to better cope with the aches and pains of pregnancy-- and have a better attitude in general. For which everyone is grateful!

However, I have been having "real" contractions on and off since Sunday. It is reminding me of the week prior to LP's birth. My heart is now at ease with my decision to induce. I was worried about bringing this new family member into the world too early but I feel like if I make it to the induction it will be right on time.

I tweaked the story that I gave to my sister, my doula, about the induction. She has said on no uncertain terms that she considered it "irresponsible of any doctor to just schedule an induction without considering what a woman's body is ready for..." Yes, I know. It's just her opinion. It's her soapbox-- along with feelings about how breastfeeding is the only right way to do things *buuut* that's another story in itself.

Back to my tweaked story... I said the induction would be a "last minute decision" based upon what my cervix/ body was doing. Not a scheduled "2-3 weeks in advance thing." I figure this way I still get to feel good about my decision without worrying that she's judging me *and* what she doesn't know won't hurt her. See? Everyone's happy! (However cowardly it may come across.)

Finally, while I do still plan on following people, I have decided to give blogging a rest. Simply said, I feel that my journey is complete. This has been a long debate for me. I considered setting up shop in a new place but that didn't seem fair to any readers as my blog has been seriously slacking- aka I have been a slacker. So I am wrapping it up.

I will keep the blog open for those who might be struggling with the turmoil that RPL brings, maybe they will stumble across it and be encouraged to consider paths less traveled. The infertility community gave me a home when I had none and I hope that by leaving my blog up it will continue to give back to those who need it.

But don't panic!!!

This won't happen until after the baby is born- it seems as though it would be cruel to not let everyone know the baby's gender :)