What A Diffierence

So the magazine rack has become a new favorite toy for LP. As I was putting them away, for the umpteenth time, the other evening I realized how far my little life has morphed...

From my single days: Trav.el & Leisure, Food & Wi.ne, and US W.eekly

In my early married days: Livi.ng, Bod.y & Soul, Paula Dea.n and Rachel Ray

Now: This O.ld H.ouse, Taste of Ho.me Healthy Cooking, and Parent.ing

My how times change.

Outed

Sad as it is I woke up at 6am thinking, "Should I out myself today? I said I would if I made it this far."

So there it is. I outed myself due to our lovely little heartbeat on Monday.

I was surprised by the relief it brought. I enjoyed not hiding my belly anymore, trying not to hold LP a certain way or at all when around others, or doing that unconcious belly rub. I actually started to enjoy my current state.

Of course once I started telling people and emailing a few I was sure that I had jinxed the pregnancy and that it was all over. (Sigh)... then I gave myself a quick mental slap and remembered to keep it together.

It's too late. The information is out there in the public. It still makes me nervous when I think about it but... I am pregnant. And if, Heaven forbid, I lose this pregnancy I will want all the support I can get.

The hardest was emailing two IRL friends who are struggling with fertility issues. On one level I realize that I have struggled so it's not like I am "one of those people"-- but we all know it can be just as hurtful and painful. One I emailed out of necessity due to distance. The other I see on occassion due to work and explained I wanted her to be able to have any first reaction she wanted without feeling like she was being judged.

It's really hard to tell people in a gentle way and I did feel a little guilty while typing. I guess that's par for the course though.

How Do The Normals Do It?

Really.

That's my biggest questions right now.

How do the normal people tell others they are pregnant? With such ease? Happiness? Joy?

How do they just blurt out, "I'M PREGNANT!!!" Then float about the room smiling ear- to- ear?

The simple, easy answer is ignorance. They just don't know better.

Which is why they are normal and I am not.

Clearly, I am showing and working very hard to hide it. However, people are raising their eyebrows. I can see the question written all over their silent face.

(You know I actually went out and purchased two maternity items last week?? Big moment I know! )

I need to start telling people, I go in for a 13-week heartbeat check on Monday. If all goes well, I told myself that I would start telling people.

It just freaks me out a little. Okay, maybe more than a little.

More like a few notches below panic but a hefty upgrade from "Oh, sweet Lord..."

The Beat Goes On

Baby's heartbeat was ticking away yesterday- although I was measuring a little further along than last time.

While I should have been 10w6d today I was 11w1d. However, it was my doctor and not the u/s tech that did the measurements this time. Umm, but I don't care- it puts me that much closer to the 2T.

So there it is.

The heartbeat was still 182 but our doctor was not concerned. She said it was nice and strong and that various things can affect it- like dehydration. So I am going to try and start drinking more water.

I does make me a little nervous that it's so high but I am trying to take the road of "If she's not worried about it then I won't be worried about it."

We might actually have a January baby :) Neat, huh??