Preparing

I have been thinking about how to end my blog. This isn't the final post but I think it's a great one to lead up to it.

It wasn't until I read R&R's recent post that it knew how to start the end.

For me it starts with T, Triumph, our newest family member.

When I finally accepted that I was going to give birth to another live baby, I thought about the scene in French Kiss with Meg Ryan. She is talking in a phone booth about getting her fiancee back and she says, "I will triumph..." while crying and shaking her fist in the air. You know the scene, right?

Well, that's what I thought. I have triumphed.

So how does R&R play into this?

Her post is about being ready. Ready to meet the newest life that she and her husband created.

Ready.

Funny word.

Are we ever really ready for anything? Lord, knows I have tried to prepare myself for various things over the years. Passing tests, getting into graduate school, losing and making friends, the loss of my mom, losing pregnancy after pregnancy, and finally, the chance to prepare for parenting. Most of it I was prepared for. The rest of it? Though I had no idea at the time, I was prepared. I had all the tools I needed but I only realized it in hindsight.

When LP was on his way I distinctly remember rubbing my belly and saying, "Okay, kid. It's you and me. Give me until May 1st and I will be ready anytime after that."

He came into the world May 3rd.

With T, we were preparing for induction. I was having regular contractions but nothing was going on when I went for appointments. So I continued preparing to leave work, getting the house in order, and packing up LP for his trip to the grandparents. About two days before induction I rubbed my belly, after a long bout of contractions, and said, "Give me two more days, kid. Two days, we'll be ready."

The day I went in, I was suddenly 3cm dilated, when 2 days before I wasn't.

How do we know when we are ready?

All this time the answer has been so simple I never really saw it before.

We just are.