While I missed Mother's Day I would like to post this picture in honor of my mom.
She loved Lilacs... I love you mom and I think of you daily.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Late Mother's Day
While I missed Mother's Day I would like to post this picture in honor of my mom.
She loved Lilacs... I love you mom and I think of you daily.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Boy, Has My Nutshell Changed!
Our baby arrived 05/03/08 at 7:05am!
My water broke at home just before midnight, 05/01/08, and contractions started about 45 minutes after. We were admitted to the hospital about 2am.
It was a very long labor… after going natural for 14 hours my body could no longer relax through the contractions and I was not able to establish an “adequate” labor so I received an epidural. After another hour or two of labor a pattern was still not established. After some decision making we added pitocin to the regiment in an effort to avoid a c- section.
You would think that this would result in a baby being born soon- but you’d be wrong! After being on pitocin for a couple of more hours my labor started to become established but the dr was concerned about the strength of the contractions, so they put in a internal monitor. After doing that the baby started to react poorly and they took me off the pitocin to let the baby regroup. Of course my contractions then slowed so we waited a couple of more hours and I was then placed back on it.
Finally, a labor pattern was established with the baby responding well. Finally, at 5am the following morning, I started to push. Sometime after I started to push my IV for the pitocin and epidural came out- everyone failed to notice- so the pushing was all natural for those two hours.
Oddly, no one told me what the sex was- I had to ask! That’s when I found out our baby boy had arrived!
We are still recuperating after our 31 hour labor but are getting through it. L was a champ and still is. He has been an incredible source of strength for me and D. I start to cry every time I think about it.
We are struggling with breast feeding, which is one of the reasons it’s taken me so long to post this, but the lactation consultant is great and we have already seen her twice now. It's more emotionally challenging that I had ever thought. Each time I consider stopping and going to strictly pumping I feel like I have failed in some way- guess that's a whole different post though.
I hope to keep posting often but I think it will be sporadic for at least the next couple of weeks- at best. I will try to keep up with everyone but if I don't post please know that I am thinking of you all and wishing you great things...
So that's my nutshell of a new life!
My water broke at home just before midnight, 05/01/08, and contractions started about 45 minutes after. We were admitted to the hospital about 2am.
It was a very long labor… after going natural for 14 hours my body could no longer relax through the contractions and I was not able to establish an “adequate” labor so I received an epidural. After another hour or two of labor a pattern was still not established. After some decision making we added pitocin to the regiment in an effort to avoid a c- section.
You would think that this would result in a baby being born soon- but you’d be wrong! After being on pitocin for a couple of more hours my labor started to become established but the dr was concerned about the strength of the contractions, so they put in a internal monitor. After doing that the baby started to react poorly and they took me off the pitocin to let the baby regroup. Of course my contractions then slowed so we waited a couple of more hours and I was then placed back on it.
Finally, a labor pattern was established with the baby responding well. Finally, at 5am the following morning, I started to push. Sometime after I started to push my IV for the pitocin and epidural came out- everyone failed to notice- so the pushing was all natural for those two hours.
Oddly, no one told me what the sex was- I had to ask! That’s when I found out our baby boy had arrived!
We are still recuperating after our 31 hour labor but are getting through it. L was a champ and still is. He has been an incredible source of strength for me and D. I start to cry every time I think about it.
We are struggling with breast feeding, which is one of the reasons it’s taken me so long to post this, but the lactation consultant is great and we have already seen her twice now. It's more emotionally challenging that I had ever thought. Each time I consider stopping and going to strictly pumping I feel like I have failed in some way- guess that's a whole different post though.
I hope to keep posting often but I think it will be sporadic for at least the next couple of weeks- at best. I will try to keep up with everyone but if I don't post please know that I am thinking of you all and wishing you great things...
So that's my nutshell of a new life!
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Today's Nutshell
Thanks for to all for the support and understanding- it was nice to know that I wasn't crazy for feeling upset about Hussie. It helped a lot!!!
However, Hussie may not actually be the one who is the hussie. But that's for later in the story...
So I ended up talking to my sister, E, about how I was feeling. She was able to calm me down some and I became a bit more rational (but only a bit). I think ultimately what I needed most, was for someone close to me to be empathetic which she was able to do.
So in the conversation that I had with E we decided that it would be best to not have the birthday dinner at my oldest sisters house as originally planned. We decided that a local restaurant would be better- neutral territory and I felt like our family space was not being invaded. The dinner wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. While Hussie seemed nice enough, and appropriately nervous, I didn't get a whole lot of time to chat with her. Although, her mannerisms reminded me of a close family friend which was slightly endearing to me (as I love this family friend). Hussie stayed several days but I only had dinner with her that one night. I did observe during the evening though that every time my dad would try to be affectionate she would pull away. I am not sure if that was because of our presence or because she was not ready for that type of display. I think perhaps a little of both.
So you are wondering who the hussie is in this story, right? I think it might actually be my dad. After the Original Hussie left I was talking to E who told me that my dad was leaving AGAIN this weekend. Where you may be wondering??? To meet up with ANOTHER woman. When my sister inquired about her name he couldn't remember. Nice.
Over the years I have gotten the impression that my father didn't date a lot- perhaps he is getting it out of his system now. (Sigh)...
My family is nuts and I know my mom just keeps shaking her head.
***Pregnancy Mentioned***
Just wanted to say that my contractions continue and became close enough last night at 1:30am to indicate to us that we needed to go to the hospital. Upon arrival, I had my first internal exam done (as I was/ am declining them to decrease the risk of infection). I discovered while my contractions were lasting for 1 minute and 4 minutes apart for 1 hour (4-1-1) I was not effaced or dilated enough- so we were sent home. I was managing the pain and didn't really feel like we needed to go (and I didn't want to get to the hospital to be sent home), but I thought L would kill me if I fought him on going. Overall, it was a good learning experience.
I learned I do not like being in the bed at all, the change of environment really decreased the intensity of my contractions, and the baby does well during contractions. So, we need to make sure that my contractions are very established (going on longer than 1 hour) the next time and even though the maternity triage nurse will strap me to a wired monitor, I am not getting in the bed until she is ready to check me.
L and I agreed that when this happens again ('casue duh, it will) we are going to base our decision on leaving for the hospital on what my intuition is telling me and how I am feeling about the contractions- instead of what the clock is telling us. Like I said though, it was a good learning expereince.
So that's me and my life in a nutshell... for today
However, Hussie may not actually be the one who is the hussie. But that's for later in the story...
So I ended up talking to my sister, E, about how I was feeling. She was able to calm me down some and I became a bit more rational (but only a bit). I think ultimately what I needed most, was for someone close to me to be empathetic which she was able to do.
So in the conversation that I had with E we decided that it would be best to not have the birthday dinner at my oldest sisters house as originally planned. We decided that a local restaurant would be better- neutral territory and I felt like our family space was not being invaded. The dinner wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. While Hussie seemed nice enough, and appropriately nervous, I didn't get a whole lot of time to chat with her. Although, her mannerisms reminded me of a close family friend which was slightly endearing to me (as I love this family friend). Hussie stayed several days but I only had dinner with her that one night. I did observe during the evening though that every time my dad would try to be affectionate she would pull away. I am not sure if that was because of our presence or because she was not ready for that type of display. I think perhaps a little of both.
So you are wondering who the hussie is in this story, right? I think it might actually be my dad. After the Original Hussie left I was talking to E who told me that my dad was leaving AGAIN this weekend. Where you may be wondering??? To meet up with ANOTHER woman. When my sister inquired about her name he couldn't remember. Nice.
Over the years I have gotten the impression that my father didn't date a lot- perhaps he is getting it out of his system now. (Sigh)...
My family is nuts and I know my mom just keeps shaking her head.
***Pregnancy Mentioned***
Just wanted to say that my contractions continue and became close enough last night at 1:30am to indicate to us that we needed to go to the hospital. Upon arrival, I had my first internal exam done (as I was/ am declining them to decrease the risk of infection). I discovered while my contractions were lasting for 1 minute and 4 minutes apart for 1 hour (4-1-1) I was not effaced or dilated enough- so we were sent home. I was managing the pain and didn't really feel like we needed to go (and I didn't want to get to the hospital to be sent home), but I thought L would kill me if I fought him on going. Overall, it was a good learning experience.
I learned I do not like being in the bed at all, the change of environment really decreased the intensity of my contractions, and the baby does well during contractions. So, we need to make sure that my contractions are very established (going on longer than 1 hour) the next time and even though the maternity triage nurse will strap me to a wired monitor, I am not getting in the bed until she is ready to check me.
L and I agreed that when this happens again ('casue duh, it will) we are going to base our decision on leaving for the hospital on what my intuition is telling me and how I am feeling about the contractions- instead of what the clock is telling us. Like I said though, it was a good learning expereince.
So that's me and my life in a nutshell... for today
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Let Me Catch My Breath
So I have posted here before about the loss of my mom, which will be 3 years in November.
Now, for a minute, I want to reflect on my current situation. I am about to give birth to my first, and possibly, only child. I cannot begin to explain the amount of different emotions this alone brings up for me. Sadness, that I cannot share this experience physically with her. Comfort, in knowing that that she is with me despite our different existences. Jealousy, at knowing that this child will have first hand knowledge of only his paternal grandmother. Hurt, that we will only have pictures of her holding Lil' P and none of my mom. These are just the emotional issues I can come up with off the top of my head.
Now, rewind to approximately to 1-1/2 months ago. My dad decided create a profile for a dating website. I was kind of prepared for this- I know how much he misses the companionship of my mom. He's just lonely and I hate that for him. So when he told my sisters and I about this website we were a little taken back but supportive. In the end we want our dad to be happy, really we do.
My dad said he wasn't doing anything, just seeing who was out there. Wanting to make new connections with people. Exploring. He said that he wouldn't bring anyone around to meet the family unless it was someone who he thought was special. Dad said he wouldn't be with anyone the family didn't like. So I was thinking alright, maybe in a couple of months he will start to see someone... blah, blah, blah. We are all young enough to remember dating and how it all worked. I have time to continue to adjust...
Well, last weekend he went to meet a woman. Alright. I will deal with that. He is meeting her at a place that is not invading my personal space right now. I am still working on adjusting to all this. He had a nice time, she's a nice lady, we like each other... blah, blah, blah. I was and am genuinely glad he had a nice time. THEN...
he comes over for dinner the other night and starts talking about getting remarried and what he will want to leave to his next wife in his will "Well, I can't just leave her out in the cold". Now all I can think is, "Can we please slow down??? You have spent what, 3 days with this chick? You don't know her at all!" I start worrying about this woman, who I don't even know, coming and taking all the money my mom and dad worked so hard to save. I see my mother looking at my father in her 'I can't believe I am hearing this' stance. I tell myself to relax, not to get all worked up because we all know how the dating process works, they aren't just going to jump into marriage. I mean he could just be talking to hear himself talk, right? We haven't even met this women yet. THEN...
he tells me that she might be coming for the weekend. I remind him quietly that we were celebrating my sister, E's birthday, at dinner (we are celebrating mine too although it was a month ago) this upcoming weekend. He says, "Well, what? You don't want her there?" I felt like a deer trapped in headlights. One, no I really don't want her at mine and my sister's birthday dinner. Who would want to meet their possible father's future girlfriend/wife at their birthday dinner I ask you- for the first time? Second, I am not really ready to meet this woman. They have known each other... 2 weeks? And met once? And she is already "special"? Third, I am obviously very pregnant. Not only do I not want to talk about my pregnancy with this woman, God forbid, what if I give birth while she's here??? (I think I may be experiencing prodromal labor but that's another story- focus!) I don't want her at the hospital. I panicked and pawned the decision off on my sister and just said, "Well you should ask E then because it's her b-day dinner". THEN...
I come home today and L says, "I am not trying to send you into labor but Hussie (that's what L and I call her) is coming this weekend". So I start thinking that we can at least move the dinner to Sunday 'cause that is when she is likely to leave, right? So I ask my dad how long Hussie is staying while she is in town. His response you ask??? "We don't know".
I realize this woman could be very nice. She could be a very upstanding person. She could be the long lost twin sister of my mother. I am not ready to meet this woman and I being forced into something I don't want. While I know this is not about me I am making it about me right now. I want my dad to be happy, he deserves it.
There are just too many emotions right now and my hormones and I can't take this. Can't we just slow down for a minute so I can catch my breath? Please?
Now, for a minute, I want to reflect on my current situation. I am about to give birth to my first, and possibly, only child. I cannot begin to explain the amount of different emotions this alone brings up for me. Sadness, that I cannot share this experience physically with her. Comfort, in knowing that that she is with me despite our different existences. Jealousy, at knowing that this child will have first hand knowledge of only his paternal grandmother. Hurt, that we will only have pictures of her holding Lil' P and none of my mom. These are just the emotional issues I can come up with off the top of my head.
Now, rewind to approximately to 1-1/2 months ago. My dad decided create a profile for a dating website. I was kind of prepared for this- I know how much he misses the companionship of my mom. He's just lonely and I hate that for him. So when he told my sisters and I about this website we were a little taken back but supportive. In the end we want our dad to be happy, really we do.
My dad said he wasn't doing anything, just seeing who was out there. Wanting to make new connections with people. Exploring. He said that he wouldn't bring anyone around to meet the family unless it was someone who he thought was special. Dad said he wouldn't be with anyone the family didn't like. So I was thinking alright, maybe in a couple of months he will start to see someone... blah, blah, blah. We are all young enough to remember dating and how it all worked. I have time to continue to adjust...
Well, last weekend he went to meet a woman. Alright. I will deal with that. He is meeting her at a place that is not invading my personal space right now. I am still working on adjusting to all this. He had a nice time, she's a nice lady, we like each other... blah, blah, blah. I was and am genuinely glad he had a nice time. THEN...
he comes over for dinner the other night and starts talking about getting remarried and what he will want to leave to his next wife in his will "Well, I can't just leave her out in the cold". Now all I can think is, "Can we please slow down??? You have spent what, 3 days with this chick? You don't know her at all!" I start worrying about this woman, who I don't even know, coming and taking all the money my mom and dad worked so hard to save. I see my mother looking at my father in her 'I can't believe I am hearing this' stance. I tell myself to relax, not to get all worked up because we all know how the dating process works, they aren't just going to jump into marriage. I mean he could just be talking to hear himself talk, right? We haven't even met this women yet. THEN...
he tells me that she might be coming for the weekend. I remind him quietly that we were celebrating my sister, E's birthday, at dinner (we are celebrating mine too although it was a month ago) this upcoming weekend. He says, "Well, what? You don't want her there?" I felt like a deer trapped in headlights. One, no I really don't want her at mine and my sister's birthday dinner. Who would want to meet their possible father's future girlfriend/wife at their birthday dinner I ask you- for the first time? Second, I am not really ready to meet this woman. They have known each other... 2 weeks? And met once? And she is already "special"? Third, I am obviously very pregnant. Not only do I not want to talk about my pregnancy with this woman, God forbid, what if I give birth while she's here??? (I think I may be experiencing prodromal labor but that's another story- focus!) I don't want her at the hospital. I panicked and pawned the decision off on my sister and just said, "Well you should ask E then because it's her b-day dinner". THEN...
I come home today and L says, "I am not trying to send you into labor but Hussie (that's what L and I call her) is coming this weekend". So I start thinking that we can at least move the dinner to Sunday 'cause that is when she is likely to leave, right? So I ask my dad how long Hussie is staying while she is in town. His response you ask??? "We don't know".
I realize this woman could be very nice. She could be a very upstanding person. She could be the long lost twin sister of my mother. I am not ready to meet this woman and I being forced into something I don't want. While I know this is not about me I am making it about me right now. I want my dad to be happy, he deserves it.
There are just too many emotions right now and my hormones and I can't take this. Can't we just slow down for a minute so I can catch my breath? Please?
Friday, April 18, 2008
My New Superhero Power
The superhero power I always wanted (for forever) was to be able to make any meal I wanted from anywhere that I wanted in the blink of an eye (I am sure this gives you some insight into my personality).
I thought of another one today that would be pretty cool...
Any type of uniform you put on or if you use an object that is associated with a certain profession you would instantly have complete knowledge of that particular career. So if you put on a dr's coat- you can give medical treatment. Want to put that tool belt on? Now you are a carpenter. Want to be a nuclear scientist? Make sure you find the right lab coat! I think that would be a pretty cool power. Think of all the money you could save and the people you could help :)
Want to chime in about the superhero power you would like????
Monday, April 14, 2008
It's All Good... For Now
*** Pregnancy Mentioned***
I know I don't always forewarn people when I am going to talk about my pregnancy or pregnancy related things- sorry, I am trying to be better about it!
So my appt. on Friday was very uneventful (yay!) I got to see my ob and we spoke a little about what happened at the last appt. She measured my belly and said I was measuring 37w- which is good because I was 36w4d at the time.
I did end up doing a quick u/s because she couldn't tell if Lil' P's head was still down. It was and she said the placenta looked nice and healthy. She said that while I had extra fluid and a good size baby she was not worried about anything. She agreed to let me start the Herapin shots at the start of 38w (boo for 2 shots a day!). However, I did have the ever so humbling experience of the Group B Strep test. It brought back all the warm fuzzy feelings of the RE's office, who knew how much I missed dropping my pants!
She did offer to "check me" but I declined- I told her it would just make me more anxious. Quite frankly I don't want to worry about something happening until I have everything at work wrapped up. Better to get a surprise if Lil' P decides to show early!
She did say that she was impressed at how well my body was handling the pregnancy. She said I have had very little swelling, the appropriate weight gain, and only slight bruising from the Lovenox shots. It sounds so vain- but it made me feel good (as if I have something to do with it)...
I know I don't always forewarn people when I am going to talk about my pregnancy or pregnancy related things- sorry, I am trying to be better about it!
So my appt. on Friday was very uneventful (yay!) I got to see my ob and we spoke a little about what happened at the last appt. She measured my belly and said I was measuring 37w- which is good because I was 36w4d at the time.
I did end up doing a quick u/s because she couldn't tell if Lil' P's head was still down. It was and she said the placenta looked nice and healthy. She said that while I had extra fluid and a good size baby she was not worried about anything. She agreed to let me start the Herapin shots at the start of 38w (boo for 2 shots a day!). However, I did have the ever so humbling experience of the Group B Strep test. It brought back all the warm fuzzy feelings of the RE's office, who knew how much I missed dropping my pants!
She did offer to "check me" but I declined- I told her it would just make me more anxious. Quite frankly I don't want to worry about something happening until I have everything at work wrapped up. Better to get a surprise if Lil' P decides to show early!
She did say that she was impressed at how well my body was handling the pregnancy. She said I have had very little swelling, the appropriate weight gain, and only slight bruising from the Lovenox shots. It sounds so vain- but it made me feel good (as if I have something to do with it)...
Thursday, April 10, 2008
The Showers Are Over
I had my baby showers over the last 2 to 3 weeks. They were all very nice and I enjoyed them all. Now L's office is having one for us next week. While it's really very sweet, we don't don't expect more than 4 people there, as L likes to keep a low profile :)
I will admit this here (but will deny it IRL)- I made myself sick by eating so much at my first shower (seriously, how old am I??)
While we did not get a lot of things off our registry, we still got things that we could use. Now we are just reassessing the list to decide what things that we need to get. My in-laws got us our changing table, my sister in-law purchased us our car seat, and my sisters are going to help us purchase our stroller. Needless to say, we feel very blessed with our family and friends generosity.
I added the picture because it reminds me of ALL the food I ate- and I have a thing for cake lately...
*******
Thanks to all who posted positive thoughts and stories for me. It truly made me feel better. Lil' P and I had a talk and I explained the importance of staying in-utero for at least couple more weeks (we went over the pros and cons list). I did tell him that I will trust his judgement so if things become too scary or risky in there he is welcome to arrive. So far, it appears he has listened as he is actually a little higher :) Thanks again everyone!
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Holy Cow!!!!
Ummm... the baby has dropped.
This isn't really a comforting thing to me as we are so, so, so, soooooo not ready.
I wasn't going on maternity leave until May 1.
We just ordered our changing table.
Did I mention we are not ready?
We just got our baby bedding.
There are no clothes washed.
We are having our hospital tour today.
I have three major outstanding projects at work.
Have I told you that we are not ready for baby to arrive?
I haven't even had a chance yet to post about my two showers for crying out loud! Let alone start the thank you cards!!!!
I have read that for first time mom's they notice that the baby drops/ engages 1-2w prior to labor- although sometimes longer. While I realize that this is not about us but we just aren't ready...
Does anyone know of anyone where it has been on the longer side?? Could you tell me some positive stories??? Please?
Ships... great big ships... (quick- what movie is that line from???)
Friday, April 04, 2008
Nice Reframe
So I came home tonight and said to L, "If one more person says, 'Oh, my God! You are getting SO BIG!' or 'I can't believe you still have 5 weeks left! You are going to have this baby by the end of April!' I am going to slap 'em".
L's response- "People are just so used to seeing you all little, skinny, and small... they just can't get over the way you look with a healthy baby".
Nice way to reframe things L... nice :)
L's response- "People are just so used to seeing you all little, skinny, and small... they just can't get over the way you look with a healthy baby".
Nice way to reframe things L... nice :)
Monday, March 31, 2008
Let Me Clarify
***Pregnancy Mentioned***
Thanks for all the positive thoughts and well wishes. I have since calmed down and have been able to take a breath.
I spoke with the doula and she was able to give me some information and talk to me a little about my options and choices. She told me she had never heard of any one being concerned about having too much amniotic fluid- usually the concern is too little. However, she did send me some articles on amniotic fluid levels and giving birth to large babies. It had a lot of straight forward info in there so it was some good reading. It did discuss some concerns that could arise if certain things happend.
This has led me to think that maybe that was why the ob was avague with me. Since she is not my regular ob she dosen't know that not providing information is what causes my anxiety!!
L and I spoke about what the ob said and I shared the info from our doula. We are on the same page- if Lil' P is happy and healthy and he is not showing any sign of distress then there is no reason to change our course. If they recommend another u/s we will go to appease "the white coats". He reminded me of what our doula said- that sometimes we will have to pick our battles and there isn't a lot to lose by going in for another u/s if that's what they recommend.
I didn't mean to sound in my last post like I wouldn't want an induction no matter what. I just don't feel like having a large baby is a legitimate reason to induce- for me and my situation. Of course I would induce or have a c- section if he was showing signs of distress, I would say bring it on!!! It would then be a matter of which is going to have the fewest complications.
The good thing that has happend is out of this is that I have gotten a lot of "good" induction stories which was a nice change! I always hear about the bad ones (ever notice how everyone wants to tell you the horrible birth stories and not the good ones when you are pregnant??)!
Just wanted to give my most recent thoughts about the situation and tell everyone thanks for the input :) We will see what comes next week...
Thanks for all the positive thoughts and well wishes. I have since calmed down and have been able to take a breath.
I spoke with the doula and she was able to give me some information and talk to me a little about my options and choices. She told me she had never heard of any one being concerned about having too much amniotic fluid- usually the concern is too little. However, she did send me some articles on amniotic fluid levels and giving birth to large babies. It had a lot of straight forward info in there so it was some good reading. It did discuss some concerns that could arise if certain things happend.
This has led me to think that maybe that was why the ob was avague with me. Since she is not my regular ob she dosen't know that not providing information is what causes my anxiety!!
L and I spoke about what the ob said and I shared the info from our doula. We are on the same page- if Lil' P is happy and healthy and he is not showing any sign of distress then there is no reason to change our course. If they recommend another u/s we will go to appease "the white coats". He reminded me of what our doula said- that sometimes we will have to pick our battles and there isn't a lot to lose by going in for another u/s if that's what they recommend.
I didn't mean to sound in my last post like I wouldn't want an induction no matter what. I just don't feel like having a large baby is a legitimate reason to induce- for me and my situation. Of course I would induce or have a c- section if he was showing signs of distress, I would say bring it on!!! It would then be a matter of which is going to have the fewest complications.
The good thing that has happend is out of this is that I have gotten a lot of "good" induction stories which was a nice change! I always hear about the bad ones (ever notice how everyone wants to tell you the horrible birth stories and not the good ones when you are pregnant??)!
Just wanted to give my most recent thoughts about the situation and tell everyone thanks for the input :) We will see what comes next week...
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Lil' P's Progress
***Pregnancy Mentioned***
So L and I went to the peri last week, I was 33 weeks then. Overall, things looked good and Lil' P is healthy. Very healthy- this is where the cause for concern is coming in. The peri told us that the she is measuring 1w2d ahead of schedule and weighing in at 5lbs. and 2 oz. This would place her in the 58th percentile. He also said I had a little more amniotic fluid than the average women.
He wasn't worried as all my tests have come back fine. I have since attempted to start eating a little better as more fluid can be an indication of gestational diabetes. I have been tested twice and passed both times but since I responded to the Metformin I thought it prudent to start keeping a better eye on what I eat (not how much). He also explained that he would not be changing in my due date and there was no need to make another appointment.
What makes me nervous is what happened at my ob's office today. I was seeing one of dr's (it's a large practice) and she was taking the fundal measurement (aka- measuring my belly with a tape measure) and said, "Wow... you are measuring 3 weeks ahead". Now admittedly, this ob said that she was not concerned as I had just had a u/s the previous week and the fundal measurement can be off for many reasons.
However, she also said that if I am still measuring large (which they consider to be 3 weeks or more) they will want to send me back to the peri for another u/s. When I asked what they anticipated to learn she said how big the baby is and the level of amniotic fluid. If Lil' P was large and there was more amniotic fluid that my regular ob may talk to me about induction.
Yikes!!! I do not want an induction!
I know enough to know that a u/s can be off, one way or another by a 1lb or more. I know that I can refuse to have the u/s. I really do believe that a women's body can give birth to a big baby- no matter how small she may be (isn't that why our pelvis is in 3 parts and the baby's head is not yet fused together?). I also believe that babies come when they are ready- not when we are. I don't think nature screws up a lot in this area.
I am afraid that I will get a lot of pressure to have this baby early if I agree to have this u/s. I am also afraid to not have the u/s because what if the baby is doing poorly and I don't know it? I know that I may be getting myself worked up for nothing- maybe things will resolve in the next two weeks. Anything could happen right? In the meantime, I will be making a call to my doula asking her about these things. Gotta love the doula :)
So L and I went to the peri last week, I was 33 weeks then. Overall, things looked good and Lil' P is healthy. Very healthy- this is where the cause for concern is coming in. The peri told us that the she is measuring 1w2d ahead of schedule and weighing in at 5lbs. and 2 oz. This would place her in the 58th percentile. He also said I had a little more amniotic fluid than the average women.
He wasn't worried as all my tests have come back fine. I have since attempted to start eating a little better as more fluid can be an indication of gestational diabetes. I have been tested twice and passed both times but since I responded to the Metformin I thought it prudent to start keeping a better eye on what I eat (not how much). He also explained that he would not be changing in my due date and there was no need to make another appointment.
What makes me nervous is what happened at my ob's office today. I was seeing one of dr's (it's a large practice) and she was taking the fundal measurement (aka- measuring my belly with a tape measure) and said, "Wow... you are measuring 3 weeks ahead". Now admittedly, this ob said that she was not concerned as I had just had a u/s the previous week and the fundal measurement can be off for many reasons.
However, she also said that if I am still measuring large (which they consider to be 3 weeks or more) they will want to send me back to the peri for another u/s. When I asked what they anticipated to learn she said how big the baby is and the level of amniotic fluid. If Lil' P was large and there was more amniotic fluid that my regular ob may talk to me about induction.
Yikes!!! I do not want an induction!
I know enough to know that a u/s can be off, one way or another by a 1lb or more. I know that I can refuse to have the u/s. I really do believe that a women's body can give birth to a big baby- no matter how small she may be (isn't that why our pelvis is in 3 parts and the baby's head is not yet fused together?). I also believe that babies come when they are ready- not when we are. I don't think nature screws up a lot in this area.
I am afraid that I will get a lot of pressure to have this baby early if I agree to have this u/s. I am also afraid to not have the u/s because what if the baby is doing poorly and I don't know it? I know that I may be getting myself worked up for nothing- maybe things will resolve in the next two weeks. Anything could happen right? In the meantime, I will be making a call to my doula asking her about these things. Gotta love the doula :)
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Why, Hello Baby!
***Pregnany Mentioned***
These are the 4D u/s pics that we had taken at week 28-29. Sorry it took me so long to post these!
There really is a baby in there- it's not just bad gas!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Countdown And Hormonal Ramblings
***Pregnancy Mentioned***
So begins the countdown to D-Day, or, the so-called due date. It's hard to believe that I am 32 weeks- about 8 weeks left. I still feel like I am living some else's life, that this isn't really "my" baby. I wonder when that feeling goes away. Is when I have my first shower? When labor starts? The first time I try to nurse? Or when the three of us leave the hospital? When does this start to feel less surreal?
One question that I get asked all the time is, "When is the baby due?" I always say early May- due date be damned. Knowing the chemical make up of this child is mine and my husbands, I am quite sure that this child has plans of their own! I also always get asked, "Have you thought about...? Are you going to... ? What about... ?" It really taps into my anxiety because I don't know despite my being a planner by nature. Every child is different and will respond to certain things differently. Sometimes I just want to shout, "This is hard enough, back off!" I have ideas but I don't know if they are going to work... What if Lil' P hates everything thing I try? Sigh... I wish people would say, "All children are different and you'll figure it out- everyone makes it up as they go along." How I wish my mom were physically here...
There are still so many things left to do- little projects I am trying to complete while trying to take as much work as I possibly can. (Thank goodness work has picked up slightly but I won't reap any benefits until mid- April. We will have to hang tight until then.) L just laughs at me and tells me I am nesting. Maybe I am but I can't believe how many little things I have put off because I felt like I had all this time to do them.
Hmmm... perhaps I am feeling a little hormonal today??? (I think I have teared up 3 times while writing this post- geez, get a grip!) As exciting as this is I find myself asking the age old questions that I think all first time mom's ask... am I going to be a good mother, am I going to secretly hate it, and how many times am I going to screw up?
So begins the countdown to D-Day, or, the so-called due date. It's hard to believe that I am 32 weeks- about 8 weeks left. I still feel like I am living some else's life, that this isn't really "my" baby. I wonder when that feeling goes away. Is when I have my first shower? When labor starts? The first time I try to nurse? Or when the three of us leave the hospital? When does this start to feel less surreal?
One question that I get asked all the time is, "When is the baby due?" I always say early May- due date be damned. Knowing the chemical make up of this child is mine and my husbands, I am quite sure that this child has plans of their own! I also always get asked, "Have you thought about...? Are you going to... ? What about... ?" It really taps into my anxiety because I don't know despite my being a planner by nature. Every child is different and will respond to certain things differently. Sometimes I just want to shout, "This is hard enough, back off!" I have ideas but I don't know if they are going to work... What if Lil' P hates everything thing I try? Sigh... I wish people would say, "All children are different and you'll figure it out- everyone makes it up as they go along." How I wish my mom were physically here...
There are still so many things left to do- little projects I am trying to complete while trying to take as much work as I possibly can. (Thank goodness work has picked up slightly but I won't reap any benefits until mid- April. We will have to hang tight until then.) L just laughs at me and tells me I am nesting. Maybe I am but I can't believe how many little things I have put off because I felt like I had all this time to do them.
Hmmm... perhaps I am feeling a little hormonal today??? (I think I have teared up 3 times while writing this post- geez, get a grip!) As exciting as this is I find myself asking the age old questions that I think all first time mom's ask... am I going to be a good mother, am I going to secretly hate it, and how many times am I going to screw up?
Monday, March 03, 2008
Things To Appreciate
***Pregnancy Mentioned***
So during the journey to this pregnancy there were many times when I thought I should appreciate the things that I could do. So here was the list that I would try to focus on:
1. Sitting quietly on the couch working on my cross stitch.
2. Making my favorite lunch (in case you are wondering- it's a tuna sandwich with bread and butter pickles, chips, and a coke- hey, it's tasty to me!) and sitting down for the afternoon to read my new book because I was able to...
3. Hop in the car to go to Star.buck's, B.arnes & N.obel, or Tar.get anytime I wanted.
4. Having a phone conversation completely void of interruption.
5. Eating my chocolaty treat without having to hide or share it.
Since becoming pregnant, more large, and awkward I would like to make a list of things that were under appreciated while I was waiting to get here. Now please know that I wouldn't trade where I am for the world- I realize my gift. However, these are just several things that were undervalued when I had the opportunity to fully enjoy them...
6. Sleeping on my stomach.
7. Sleeping without having to get up and use the bathroom 3 times a night.
8. Having a dreamless, heavy sleep.
9. Being able to find a comfortable position to lay in and sleep in all night.
(Noticing a theme?)
10. Being able to have s*x with my husband and feeling attractive at the same time.
11. Being able to sit up using my stomach muscles.
12. Appreciating my body for what it was pre-pregnancy instead of complaining about it ('Cause the stretch marks and the fat around knees are starting to make me see it will never be the same, and really, was it so bad before?)
13. Being able to bend and cut my own toenails.
14. Being able to eat without having to worry about dropping something on my stomach.
15. Being able to cross my legs.
Do you have a list of things that you try to appreciate while waiting to finish your journey?
Monday, February 25, 2008
Surreal
***pregnancy mentioned***
My name was on the marquee! It was up there in lights!
Alright, that's exaggerating a bit- well a lot- but that is what it felt like. The other night I received an evite to my very own baby shower. I can't help myself from looking at it a couple of times a day. I just keep thinking, "Wow, that's me... the invitation is talking about me. Me and my baby." Sounds weird to say that about an invitation and not the act of registering.
There are still times when I wonder if I am really going to have this baby. You know like, "Are we really going to get a dog?" or "Are we really going to backpack across Europe?" These are things that you talk about but do they really happen?
I have to say overall it really does look like we will have a baby come May. Then doubt and worry start to kick in. I have been worried lately that maybe we shouldn't have stopped the IVIg treatments. Despite Lil' P seeming to move more than ever and she (remember I use "he" ans "she" interchangeably!) woke me up several times last night. I know that it's all just fear but it still all seems so surreal to me. So surely the rug will be pulled out form under me if my expectations are too high.
As for the other part of my life that isn't nearly as surreal- figuring out how we are going to make things work financially once the baby is here. Things are tight right now and since my work is really, really slow things just got a lot tighter. What are we going to do when this happens and the baby is here??? I am trying to remind myself that there is still plenty of time to figure it out and make adjustments. Perhaps my new mantra should be "God would not give us anything that we couldn't handle" as this is the phrase I have been repeating to myself these past two weeks.
Ugh, if only I could have won the lottery two nights ago. That would have made everything surreal- in a good way.
My name was on the marquee! It was up there in lights!
Alright, that's exaggerating a bit- well a lot- but that is what it felt like. The other night I received an evite to my very own baby shower. I can't help myself from looking at it a couple of times a day. I just keep thinking, "Wow, that's me... the invitation is talking about me. Me and my baby." Sounds weird to say that about an invitation and not the act of registering.
There are still times when I wonder if I am really going to have this baby. You know like, "Are we really going to get a dog?" or "Are we really going to backpack across Europe?" These are things that you talk about but do they really happen?
I have to say overall it really does look like we will have a baby come May. Then doubt and worry start to kick in. I have been worried lately that maybe we shouldn't have stopped the IVIg treatments. Despite Lil' P seeming to move more than ever and she (remember I use "he" ans "she" interchangeably!) woke me up several times last night. I know that it's all just fear but it still all seems so surreal to me. So surely the rug will be pulled out form under me if my expectations are too high.
As for the other part of my life that isn't nearly as surreal- figuring out how we are going to make things work financially once the baby is here. Things are tight right now and since my work is really, really slow things just got a lot tighter. What are we going to do when this happens and the baby is here??? I am trying to remind myself that there is still plenty of time to figure it out and make adjustments. Perhaps my new mantra should be "God would not give us anything that we couldn't handle" as this is the phrase I have been repeating to myself these past two weeks.
Ugh, if only I could have won the lottery two nights ago. That would have made everything surreal- in a good way.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Been MIA
Sorry I have been MIA- my computer got sick and is still being worked on so internet access is limited for me!
I am hoping to catch up with everyone by the end of next week! Hope all is well :)
I am hoping to catch up with everyone by the end of next week! Hope all is well :)
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
One Eww and $7.00 Later
So you ever try something new only to be completely disappointed?
That's what happened to me today. I went to Star.bucks wanting a Decaf Mocha Frapp.uccino. However, since they never ever sell them you have to wait 15 minutes to get one. Last time I was in they suggested an iced Cafe Mocha. I declined that day because who wants to be disappointed? So I got my traditional Cafe Mocha instead (it was chilly outside that day.)
No matter the weather conditions lately a frappuccino just sounds tastier. However, it also has caffine in it so I prefer getting the decaf. So this leaves me in a bind of sorts.
Well, today I went in and ordered an decaf Iced Mocha (I threw caution to the wind). Can you say, "Eww!"? Why would this replace a decaf Mocha Frappucinno???? I took one sip while walking down the sidewalk and said "Ewww...". I then took another one just to make sure and said, "Yup, still sick" and threw it away. Then had to go to a different Starbuck's across town because I couldn't walk back into the other one and order another drink (I was too embarrassed) and I had a nasty taste in my mouth.
To throwing caution to the wind... I say, "Screw you!"
That's what happened to me today. I went to Star.bucks wanting a Decaf Mocha Frapp.uccino. However, since they never ever sell them you have to wait 15 minutes to get one. Last time I was in they suggested an iced Cafe Mocha. I declined that day because who wants to be disappointed? So I got my traditional Cafe Mocha instead (it was chilly outside that day.)
No matter the weather conditions lately a frappuccino just sounds tastier. However, it also has caffine in it so I prefer getting the decaf. So this leaves me in a bind of sorts.
Well, today I went in and ordered an decaf Iced Mocha (I threw caution to the wind). Can you say, "Eww!"? Why would this replace a decaf Mocha Frappucinno???? I took one sip while walking down the sidewalk and said "Ewww...". I then took another one just to make sure and said, "Yup, still sick" and threw it away. Then had to go to a different Starbuck's across town because I couldn't walk back into the other one and order another drink (I was too embarrassed) and I had a nasty taste in my mouth.
To throwing caution to the wind... I say, "Screw you!"
Friday, February 08, 2008
Wish
Some days I wish I were my dog. He just seems so carefree and happy. If I were my dog, people could just let outside to play on a nice day. Then I would investgate the outside by sniffing around and I would take a little snooze in sun on the back porch to rest my poor tired paws.
To top off my day, I would have a nice leisurely walk outside, only to come home to someone else who would give me a nice scratch and be given a tasty treat.
I wish I were my dog.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Huh
***pregnancy mentioned***
It was a nice afternoon, about 60 degrees outside so there was no need for a jacket.
As I was walking into Moe's for lunch (I got the Ruprict incase you are wondering) I opened the door and, quite suddenly, me and my belly felt very exposed... very vunerable. I tried to put my hand over my growing belly to try and conceal it (but that was like trying to cover up the huge pimple that was in the middle of my forehead before the 8th grade dance- impossible).
I think that it's odd that I still feel anxious when others might realize I am pregnant and ask questions. That there are still times, even at 27 weeks, when I still feel the need and urge to hide my pregnancy.
It was a nice afternoon, about 60 degrees outside so there was no need for a jacket.
As I was walking into Moe's for lunch (I got the Ruprict incase you are wondering) I opened the door and, quite suddenly, me and my belly felt very exposed... very vunerable. I tried to put my hand over my growing belly to try and conceal it (but that was like trying to cover up the huge pimple that was in the middle of my forehead before the 8th grade dance- impossible).
I think that it's odd that I still feel anxious when others might realize I am pregnant and ask questions. That there are still times, even at 27 weeks, when I still feel the need and urge to hide my pregnancy.
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