I would not describe myself as a "crunchy granola" person. That's not to say I don't care about "crunchy" things. I recycle, try to watch how much water I use, and buy hormone free items when I can afford it.
I would describe myself as a medium- middle person. Not too far to one side where I make fun of those who are different. Not so far to the other where I call people uncaring and self centered. I am a middle ground person. Extremes don't fit well with me or my personality come to think of it.
Depending on the situation I have a tendency to lean more one way or another. Otherwise, you can bet I'm in the middle- with an opinion or thought that pushes me one way.
L is different. L goes to the conservative side every time. He is very much in the mind set of "You do what the dr's tell you to do." Me, as you can tell, not so much. I am still the one doing all the work and the one paying the bill. While I have bouts of white coat syndrome, I am the patient. What is imporant to understand about L is he struggles with change. He really likes consistency. While I love him, he also likes the easiest road because it's easy and will take it just about every time.
So those who have been reading know that I am wanting to have a natural childbirth experience. Some of it is due to the fact that I am tired of drugs and hormones. Some related to that there could be complications if I did want an epidural or other drugs because of the blood thinners I am on. I have also been doing a lot of reading to figure out how to best prepare myself for a natural birth. So I have read a lot of things about natural childbirth, especially birth positions.
The other day I was talking to one of my friends and I was asking her about the hospital she delivered at as I will be delivering at the same one (we also go to the same ob practice). I was asking if she knew if any of the dr's had issues about birthing positions or if the hospital provided any supports, like a squat bar. She said that she "thought" for liability reasons the dr's made you give birth in the "traditional" way- laying on your back. She couldn't really remember because it was over two years ago. When she was giving birth, she had an epidural and was quite pleased with it.
What she said made me nervous and a little uneasy. This is not the experience I have been thinking about. So I mentioned to L about what she had said and how I was feeling about it. His response was, "This is getting a little crunchy granola for me so I think that we should stop talking about this, it's making me uncomfortable... women give birth on their backs all time so I just don't think it would be that hard..."
With all that being said, I was glad he told me that he wanted to stop talking about it, and we did. He was already irritated- that's a whole different story though.
What makes me frustrated about this is that he made the statement without doing any research or any consideration that what I have said has some validity. He "thinks" it's the right thing because it's the norm- everyone does this, so should we. I just wish he would research then give an opinion. We are also both of the same when it comes to being pushed in a direction. If you push too hard, the other will push back just because we don't like being pushed.
I believe the final decision is mine. After all, I am the one doing all the work, it's my body, and in the end whatever is easiest and best for me is the best for everyone (in this case). Now, I could go a head and do what I want but it would be so much easier for me if I had his support. So I am not sure on how to approach this- I thought about articles but they would have to be reputable sources and not have a crunchy granola appearance. I have already signed up for a childbirth classes that focus on natural child birth, which he is aware of. So I am wondering if it is something that I should just let go until it comes up in the birthing classes- which should be full of information. Since he has already "accepted" that I am going to have a doula, although he isn't all the comfortable with it, I don't want to push again too early. Otherwise, it could backfire.
Maybe just plant the seed, leave it, and hope it grows?
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6 comments:
G is the same way. When it comes to things he thinks he's made his mind up on there is no pushing him into a different direction. I find that if I just plant the seed and leave it alone in a bit he comes around and comes up with the exact same idea that I had, but he calls it his own. This happens all the time.
I wouldn't push it too much now. I think the birthing class will open his eyes and help you to get your point across.
Good luck! :)
Hmmm...I pretty much totally agree with you on the not-pushing, seed-planting concept. The only thing I'm wondering about here is your statement that it would be easier for you if you had L's support. As you say, it's your body and, ultimately, your decision. Presumably the doula will support your choice too.
I guess what I'm trying to understand is how important it is to you that L agree with you and what, as a practical matter, you need him to do to support you that another support person (such as the doula) couldn't do. Is it just that you want him to do research and come up with his own, informed view -- or is it that you'd be unhappy if he didn't agree that you've made the right decision? Could he still support you even if he, personally, would have made another choice if he were the one giving birth?
Just trying to understand a little more where you're coming from on this....
Niobe- that a good question. I am not quite sure of the answer yet, so I will think about it!
Start squating on the floor in front of him and saying, "oh, sweetie, this feels like a really good position for squeezing this puppy out." :-)
I think the childbirth class is the way to go. They'll talk about different positions and how he can help you during labour and it will come from a reputable source. Seriously, you go girl for having a natural childbirth. I am in awe :-)
You could say, "Hey, know what I learned today? I learned that women give birth on their backs because some pervert King one time wanted to watch his Queen have babies and back in the olden days, dads (and most men) weren't anywhere around during birthing time, so he paid off the doctor to flop the Queen onto her back and spread her legs so he could watch her have the baby. Isn't that cool?"
Or you could ask, "Hey, you had dogs your whole life, right? Did they jump up onto tables and splay their legs apart, too, just like 'all us wimmin's' get to do?"
Or you could let him know there is a DEARTH of information that speaks eloquently against putting a woman on her back during the birth (or even in the BED during labor!) - and if he is interested in hearing *facts* about it and not expressing fearful emotions about it, you'd be glad to share.
I'm trying hard not to be mean about this, but really. He thinks "all women do this?" C'mon! The man needs some serious education. While I think it will be great to get him some in class... and I am THRILLED you have a doula... *he* needs to WANT to take some part of this, too. Instead, it sounds like he is grudgingly humoring you... patting your hand and saying, "Whatever you want, honey," while he rolls his eyes and goes back to watching television.
This IS his human being growing inside you, too! Heck, go for the safety factors!
I've probably said enough to make you never want to hear from me again, and I'm sorry for that, but I just needed to say SOMETHING to, hopefully, bring you a little more into CRUNCHY world. It isn't about some "experience." Natural birth is for the health and safety of our children and our own bodies!
You do what is healthiest and BEST for your child. STAY UPRIGHT!
I like the seed planting idea, too. My husband is much the same way. He may react negatively to an idea at first if it seems foreign or too "out there" for him. He also assumes that anything said by a doctor or nurse is gospel truth and shouldn't be questioned. I'm slowly painting a picture that this isn't always the case. I think the childbirth classes would be a good way to present more information to him about the ideas you have already shared. I know what you mean about having his support. Hopefully he will come around and realize that what is most important is your comfort and what works best for you to safely deliver your baby. Good luck. I'm hoping he will pleasantly surprise you :)
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