Several days ago I found out an old co-worker of mine is pregnant. Now she has had some issues but none like most of the people here have faced- or what I have. My immediate thought after finding out is a testament to how IF/RPL really always has a hold of you- in some form. My thought was, "Thank God I am pregnant with a healthy baby before her because otherwise I would throw myself out that window."
Not very nice of me.
You know what I hated most about RPL when I was in the throws of it (although I still feel like I kinda am)? That people would say all the time, "Well, at least you can get pregnant." What is that supposed to mean? What good is being able to get pregnant if you can't carry the pregnancy to term? I always thought about how much I hated getting started down the journey of motherhood and pregnancy just to be told to turn around. Again. Yes, getting part of the way there makes me feel soooo much better, thanks.
More examples of how fertiles don't get it.
Do you know that I still won't wear mascara to a u/s? I am afraid that I will find out something bad. Then I will start to cry and it will run all down my face.
Another example of how RPL stays with you.
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5 comments:
I could have written this post. I've said and thought every one of these things myself!
"At least you can get pregnant" makes me crazy too. I usually abruptly end the conversation right there because clearly this person just. doesn't. get it.
I also don't wear makeup to ultrasounds. I'm so demented, I check my calendar before I go to see when would be possible days to schedule the D&C. Sad, but true.
RPL and IF will always, always be a part of me. No doubt. But hopefully once I get to the end of the babymaking road, I can use my experiences and my pain to help my friends muddle through it with and understanding, caring, compassionate attitude. At least that way it won't all be for nothing.
Couldn't agree more...
Personally, I have always thought I would have preferred just seeing a BFN vs. seeing the BFP and then having it ripped away from me. Then, I would never have gotten tenuously attached the babies who never made it...
People are ignorant...but, unlike Leah, I get militant now when people make dumb comments. I hate that we have to hear comments like that...so, I make it my mission to put these morons in their place. ;)
it NEVER leaves! It so unfortunate b/c it took my almost amonth to really fall in love with Jack b/c i was *still* scared of loosing him.
And i HATE that comment.."at least you can get pregnant". I have a friend who has been trying for 3 months and called me crying b/c she wanst pregnant yet. And she actually said this comment to me! Believe me, i would much rather a BFN then to m/c over and over again!
Can't tell you how many times someone has given me the "at least you can get pg" line. Maybe after my first loss it gave me an ounce of reassurance. Now with six under my belt it is an invitation into a verbal boxing ring. RPL for me means that no positive pregnancy test, no good beta, no strong beta rise will ever be more than a stepping stone...never a cause for real celebration. I wish I could figure out the answer to the "why did this have to happen at all if it couldn't last" question that I have asked over and over again. Especially with our spontaneous pregnancies. Don't think I'll ever be able to reconcile that.
I never thought about the mascara thing before but with our first IVF cycle now officially in process I might have to keep it in mind.
It's so true. Even though its still really early and up in the air with me right now, I don't feel like I'm a part of the fertile pregnant world. I don't think I ever will and I don't think I want to be. I hate to admit it, but all of the waiting I've done has made me love and appreciate this SO much more than I may have had I not experienced it.
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