First Personal Experience With God: Suddenly Gone

As I said in a previous post, I will share two experiences as to why I believe in God. My God that is. It might not look the same as yours. That being said, here is my first experience.

I grew up in a very small town in the Midwest. We only had one full traffic light and two blinking ones. We got the second full traffic light when I was in high school. Our high school had a total of 500 kids, 110 people graduate in my senior class.

When I was in the 5th grade all the people I was friends with decided to split of into cliques. I never really felt like I belonged to any clique. I was pretty constant friends with a small group of girls but even with them I never really belonged.

However, as we split off into groups and cliques, there were some that I remained acquaintances with because we had always had choir class together. This went on from 7th grade through high school. When I reached 1oth grade one of the acquaintances dropped chorus but we would still talk once in a while during English class when we were seniors. We also went to Close- Up (a trip to Wachingto D.C for Jr's and Sr's) together.

One day I got called down to the office because of a detention I got (please people, I was late for class 3 times- this was the worst thing I had done in high school!)

While I was waiting to get called in to the v. principals office, I saw my acquaintance crying along with another one of my estranged friends, who was trying to comfort her. I kept looking at her and wanting to say that it would be alright, no matter what it was. I wanted to give her a hug, she was so sad and upset. But we weren't really friends and it seemed like such a personal moment. I sat glued to my seat and just kept looking over wanting to say something or I just averted my eyes to the floor. I never said anything.

About a month later, I had an awful dream that she was killed. I turned around in English class to tell her about it- and tell her to be careful. And I thought to myself, "What? You just can't blurt that out to someone!" I also wanted to tell her that I hoped that things were better. Again, my butt stayed glued to the seat and I didn't say anything.

Several weeks later she was killed in a car accident. It was devastating and a shock to our small school. She was one of 3 people killed that night, the other two were earlier graduates from our high school as well. And sadly, another graduate had recently committed suicide about a week or two prior. This was a small community- all the senior class left school that day as well as part of the Jr. class.

The funeral came and went- the church was so full that at least 75+ people had to stand. It was November when that happened. How awful for her family right before the holidays. How awful for her family period. All her close friends...

During the holidays all I could do was cry at night, while laying in my bed. I kept thinking about her family- about how I should have taken the opportunities that presented themselves to me. I didn't. I never thought that I could have prevented the accident but... I should have offered a kind word when I had the chance.

One night while laying n my bed, staring at the Christmas lights around my window I sobbed and sobbed to God. "Why did you take her?... There was still so much life she had to live... This doesn't make any sense... Why would you do this to her family? How do we know she is okay?" I just cried these words over and over... finally I sobbed, "Please let me know that she is alright, that she is okay... Let me know that you are really here with me- with us. I need some comfort, please..."

Seconds after saying that, I got a calming chill all through my body- Like someone placed a hand on me. I instantly knew that everything was alright. Things were going to be just fine- they were still going to be hard, but I would be okay. I stopped crying and I was able to fall asleep. In my dream that night, she was standing there, in front of me in one of her cute outfits, from a picture that I had of her from our last Close-Up trip. She was smiling and said to me, "I am alright, you have no reason to worry. I really am okay." What I remember most is her looking happy, content, and peaceful.

Her death inspired me to not be so afraid to talk with people and I became a bit more extroverted with those in my classes who I had never been friends with. It also helped me take a few more chances in life- like picking up and moving to another state.

This was my first personal experience with God and why I am convinced that my God is with me... with us.