I have to honest... I have been feeling a little guilty lately.
I recognize and fully acknowledge that when I entered this blogshere, I came in under the guise of "Challenged in the area of Fertility". I only started blogging a short while ago about my trials of fertility issues and RPL. Yet, here I am, only a couple months since and I am able to post about what appears to be my first healthy pregnancy.
I have noticed over the past month or so that the same people are no longer posting responses. Which leads me to believe that they are no longer reading. I like to think that it's because it has become too painful for them or too difficult to watch "yet one more woman get what I have been working for" and not that ill will is being wished upon me. Which, sadly, I can completely and truly understand. Seriously, although I am not proud of it, I have done similar things. In this situation though there is a darker side of me that wonders, "Are they not reading because they don't think that I am worthy of a healthy pregnancy? That I haven't had enough trials?"
I do feel that I have "earned my badge" and a healthy pregnancy. Not that it's something one "earns"- but you know what I mean. I think that's it's more about that I am afraid you, those of you that read or browse my blog, believe that I haven't earned one because you haven't been there the whole time I have worked through this.
Another part of me questions if I should keep blogging about my pregnancy or blog about other things? Should I change the title of my blog? I don't want people to think or feel that I am rubbing it in their face. I am not trying to pass you some more salt for your wound. That being said though, this is my blog. I should be able to freely express my worries, sadness, frustrations, and celebrations. There are already some serious questions that I am being asked about by others and if life has taught me anything it's that anything can happen at any time.
Rest assured my therapist brain tells me this is more about me coming to terms with my new situation than about you, my readers. While I am not sure where to go from here, I hope to figure it out.
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12 comments:
There are some blogs that I just can't read because it's still too painful. Mostly, it's the ones where the blogger is pregnant with twins.
But, I think for many people, when the focus of a blog changes from infertility to pregnancy, they feel that they no longer have something in common with the author and/or no longer have any knowledge or information that would be useful to add.
Grad
I'm still reading though not commenting much, obviously.
I know you're feeling kind of a "survivor's guilt" (so to speak) right now and that it must feel weird to be in those shoes.
Just know that we're here thinking of you and how much you DO deserve this - really and truly.
Keeping you in my thoughts for a couple more smooth, uneventful, and maybe even a little joyful (!) trimesters...
I think there is a general dip in comments across the blogosphere right now. I've read a lot of people mentioning it--both on IF blogs and non-IF blogs. I wouldn't be surprised if you still had the same amount of readers even with fewer comments. I'm just speaking for myself that when I get swamped with work, I tend to still read, but not comment, hoping that the L & F serves as a very public comment?
I am rather new to your blog... I know with my blog reading, sometimes I just don't get the chance to comment because of work, family life, etc. I feel bad a lot of the time leaving people high and dry...but it doesn't mean I am not thinking about them.
I have been all over the IF spectrum now... Sometimes, especially right after I had my last m/c in 3/06, it was difficult to read blogs where there were successful, uneventful PG's going on - that has passed with time. It is situational, at least for me. But, I still thought of the people I was reading.
The purpose of a blog is to share your life experiences. You've used it to share your IF experiences and you should use it to share your pregnancy experiences. You deserve to enjoy this time, just the way every pregnant IFer should enjoy it when it is her time as well.
This is your chance and your opportunity, if people can't handle that then they may choose not to read. That's ok. Even though I'm not pregnant, I hope to be someday and I find your blog to be a comfort and inspirational.
I wish nothing but the absolute best for you and your baby! HUGS!
Hey there - came over from Stirrup Queens. I just went PWP right after the BFP - and after the first giddy round of congratulatory comments, comments have dropped significantly. I too wonder why. But I've started reading pg after IF blogs, just not commenting yet. I think I'm also commenting less myself - maybe survivor's guilt - and I think a lot of commenting is reciprocal.
Anyway, - if you want to read mine, e-mail me your info to eep6 at cornell dot edu and I'll put you on the list!
I too came here from Mel and found your points similar to a post I wrote not long ago. From the responses I got I realise that people still read, they are genuinely interested in my success (which warms the cockles of my heart obviously :) but I guess they haven't got much to say every time I write about a scan or some pregnancy whine or other unless they are pregnant themselves. I don't take it personally any more and I no longer think they feel I don't deserve it, as you did. I was a bit paranoid at first.
Blogging about infertility was always going to be hard when finally pregnant yourself, it comes with the territory!
Good luck with this pregnancy by the way, after so many miscarriages you sound like you deserve it to go well to me :)
That's why I started The Liminal Universe, so I could have a place to talk/wallow/obsess about pregnancy/baby stuff without driving off my fellow infertiles who just. can't. go. there.
And I understand that, because I occasionally still feel the same way, that body blow to the gut even though I'm halfway through my pregnancy (and boy, isn't that a weird thing to type). Birch and Maple is sacred space to me, I'm as yet unwilling to change what I've created there. It's still primarily an infertility blog, although I am bringing a bit more generality/close topics in, too.
People are happy, and envious of you, all the while realizing that yeah, you do deserve it (as do we all). You've put in your dues many times over.
Hey girl - I am still reading and I certainly haven't left you - and would never do so because of the pregnancy. I really am happy for you even if I have my own jealousy issues. I don't wish infertility on anyone.
I think my main problem is that I have so many blogs on my blogroll now that it is hard for me to comment regularly - even weekly anymore. I am sorry if I have not been as good of a friend as I should be.
Please know you are always in my prayers and thoughts and you have always been so supportive of me in my journey. I am very appreciative and I could never forget that. XOXO
(redirected from mel)
I enjoy reading all IF blogs...regardless of pregnancy or children. Sometimes it can be a little hard to comment on some blogs, though. It's not that I wouldn't love to have something to say...just sometimes I don't. I can't relate to pregnancy or how it is to raise a child. But I really enjoy hearing how it can be.
Oh...and you definitely deserve this pregnancy. I hope it is wonderfully happy!!!
I've been getting less comments, too, overall, but just now I checked my subscribers and traffic stats, and that seems same as ever (which actually surprises me - I would have expected a bit of a drop). So people still seem to be reading, just more quietly - at least that's my experience. I also know the crowd of readers changes naturally over time, and especially with new experiences.
I think what Niobe said about being able to relate is about right. Don't feel bad.
Bea
I am a little late to this, but I have stopped reading blogs after the poster seems to be safely on her way because it is just too painful. I don't wish her ill will, I just need to protect myself.
I will sometimes pop in just to make sure everything is still on track, but rarely post. That is just me. I don't know about e/o else
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