**pregnancy mentioned**
As I have been coming up on the 12th week of my pregnancy I have started to feel the pressure of it all.
And fearing the other shoe will drop.
We actually have a chance at having a baby. What a gift. What an intimidating gift.
We have been going at this for a while, not as long as some of you out there, but two years next month. And we might actually reach the finish line. These are no longer just images in my head. It might be a reality.
I’ve started to look closely at our finances. Scary. What were we thinking? Did we really think that we could afford a baby? To be honest, we could have… before paying for the last 2 IVIg treatments. Now our bank accounts are empty and we weren’t saving a lot of money before.
I am scared. I am scared that we have gone about all of this all wrong and we are going to be punished somehow. I realize this goes against how I view God but… feelings are irrational, what can I say?
Do I stay at my current job? Do I apply for that full time salary position? How long am I willing to work 40 hours a week? Do I give up my contracting job completely? How are we going to pay for daycare? How do you find a daycare? How are we going to save enough money so I can stay home for the first 3 months? Is this really going to be our sticky pregnancy? Will I even make it to the 'safe zone' of 13 weeks? Is all this worry really for nothing?
I am overwhelming myself with questions.
Earlier today, at Stirrup Queens, I said that I would like the super power of clarity- I would be Clarity Girl. I would bring clarity to anyone who searched for it and wanted it. I would help people find the path they were supposed to go down- the one that would bring them the most peace. Where’s my clarity now?
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5 comments:
The advice my sister gave me, which pretty much is true, is that on paper, few can afford a child. If you write out your budget and look at the facts, you can never make the numbers work. Yet somehow it all works out. It's hard to plan too much of it before it happens--you can never know how you'll feel in the moment. But it will work out.
I agree with Mel. I don't think anyone is really financially "ready" for a child. I think you're nervous (and rightfully so) because this very well might work out and that hadn't been a possibility before now. I have every confidence that you will find the answers to your questions sooner rather than later and everything will work out.
Often when I'm plagued with questions and doubt, I always come back to the fact that things usually do work themselves out sooner or later. I know it's not a thought that provides clarity, but I do hope that it provides you with some comfort.
Sending you hugs and prayers! :)
Mel and R&R- I am starting to feel a little better. It helps to know that you have confidence in me. Thank you!!
I am glad I am not the only one who has had the same thoughts about the financial aspect of raising a child. Any pregnancy we may achieve in the future will certainly be no "surprise" so it isn't like the $ part should blindside us. Still, I tell myself that if the day comes we will figure it out. We will make the adjustments necessary to accommodate the costs - just like we are doing to pay for IVF. Like so many others before us, we will figure it out as we go along and be so happy doing it. :)
Good words.
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