I am really not a pessimist-- though I suspect many of you think I am. I am just very honest about how I feel and think. I understand my reality quite well and it took me two years to accept it.
I have officially started to miscarry today as I suspected I would. And I am just very, very sad.
The loss of this little baby will leave a little mark on my heart along with his or her brothers and sisters. I guess once an RPL'er always an RPL'er.
I wrote this post not long ago. In it I spoke about how if you have a problem you are in line for a miracle. Does wanting another child still make me in line for one? Is wanting a miracle twice, maybe even three times, too much to ask for one couple- one family- one lifetime? Does it make me selfish? I don't know. But I hope that God still considers me in line.
The pain and sadness is just as deep as it ever was but the depth of anxiety and fear that was ever present in my previous losses has disappeared. The wondering if I will ever feel a baby move or hold a child, well, it's gone-- I am blessed with my little boy. My sweet Lil' P. And if our son is the only earth bound child we ever have, while L and I will be deeply sad, we will know how blessed we are-- and we will be okay.
There are two things I have learned throughout my short experience of life- it's that love knows no time or distance. And my family of nine -nine!- knows how much I love each of them.
And that in order to see a rainbow the rain must have already passed you by.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
23 comments:
My heart breaks for you, truly. Allow yourself to mourn and cry. I don't think (no, I am certain), it is not selfish to want another child. Take care today, and give Lil' P a precious hug.
Wishing you peace and sending you lots of love as another heaven-bound angel is set to watch over you. *big hugs*
Im so sorry sweetie. Youve been in my thoughts a lot...
I am so, so sorry. Please know that I am thinking of you and holding you in my prayers. ((HUGS))
I'm so, so sorry. xo
I'm so sorry for your loss. Another angel in heaven, welcomed and embraced by those who came before. It isn't selfish to want another child. I hope you find peace and healing now, and, if it's what you decide, I hope you have the courage to keep looking for your rainbow in the future.
Many heartfelt {hugs}
I'm so sorry. So very, very sorry.
No, it's not selfish. I hope very much that another miracle comes to you soon.
Love is eternal. That we know for sure.
OH NO - I am just completely, totally, utterly sad to read this. I wish this weren't so for you.
Please be good to yourself in the coming weeks and months. . . I wish I had something magical to say to make it all better, sweetie, but of course there is nothing like that, as you well know.
hugs to you
Oh! I am so so SO sorry! You have many prayers headed your way.
First, thank you for your comment on my blog. Second, I am a male and can't imagine what it would be like to want something as much as you want your baby. Oh, I'm sure your husband wants it as much, but he'll never know the feeling of not carrying that little life inside. The maternal instinct isn't something I can even comprehend. Good luck to both of you.
Hi, You don't know me but I have been reading you from my friend Courtney's blog. I was hoping and anxious for you this time. and now my heart is heavy for you too. I am very sorry. Sending hugs and warm thoughts your way. :)
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. And there's nothing selfish about wanting another miracle. (HUGS)
I am so sorry - I have been down a similar path and I know the heartbreak, discouragement and frustration that can come from RPL.
It is not selfishness to want another child. Selfishness is taking - having a baby is a lifetime of giving and loving. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Sending you my best thoughts and wishes. There are still miracles - may you find yours.
I'm so sorry for this loss, and for all the others you've experienced.
May the rain pass you by quickly, and may it be replaced by rainbows and light.
I'm just so terribly sorry for your loss(es). I will be praying for you and your angel. I'd like to think our angels are playing together in heaven. XOXO
Thinking of you. ((((HUGS))))
Coming over from Lost and Found to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. ((HUGS))
I'm so sorry for your loss. Words cannot express.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sending lots of hugs to you.
However many you lose, its overwhelmingly sad, however many you want, deserves its own grieving period if it doesn't seem to be happening.
You may get there in the end, you may not, either way I wish you lots of strength. It's the on my thing that got me through.
HUGS XXXXXXXXXX
Hi, I'm over from Lost and Found.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently miscarried at only five weeks and was just devasted. It actually only happend a few weeks ago and I think I'm still dealing with it. I cannot imagine it happening repeatedly.
Wishing you peace and tranquility.
I'm also from Lost & Found and just wanted to stop by and dip my hat. I am so sorry you are going through this pain, and I'm wishing you peace.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
Post a Comment