I always wondered about the difference between those who had primary infertility and secondary. Sometimes I wonder if I count as primary since truly I was, and still am, and RPL'er. However, do often link myself to those suffering with primary infertility. Can an RPL'er be infertile????
Since, in this discussion, I was a primary I can tell you how hard it was... or is depending on your point of view. You have the constant wondering if you will even have a family. If you will ever have the precious, sticky, pregnancy. If the fertility issue goes on long enough you start to bargain with God or the universe. You say, "If you just give me one healthy child I will..." Sadly, if you are at that point then you are already aware of what your odds are-- and that not every couple gets the pregnancy they so desperately want or deserve.
In the beginning of Lil' P's pregnancy I was always happiest when I felt the worst. Of course I was anxious and worried, but if I was feeling bad I knew there was some hope. Then as the pregnancy progressed each time I found myself not being able to get close enough to the counter, or needing to get off my feet because I knew that my back would surely break, or tossing and turning trying to get into a comfortable sleep-- I was smiling on the inside that I was given a healthy pregnancy. While times of the pregnancy were challenging, I loved each and every minute because I didn't know if I would be given another chance.
As a secondary, I think that a couple, or family, sit there in as much surprise as the primary couple. It was likely very easy the first time and now they are trying to figure out what went wrong. What changed. Maybe they look back at their first pregnancy and say, "I wish I had paid closer attention to my pregnancy-- I wish I had tried to enjoy it more." Do they wish they had complained less about the swollen ankles, the morning sickness, or the back aches? Perhaps, it is significantly more difficult for them because they didn't know it could be their last and only time.
What do you think? What was your experience?
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4 comments:
Hmm. I loved being preggo with R from day 1 and didn't mind the discomfort. His birth was perfect. I never even considered m/c-ing with him. I think the word for 2-ndary IF is 'denile'. On the first m/c, you think, "okay, this is normal. This happens. Next time I'll get a sticky one." By the fifth m/c, reality has set in and you wait for the pink/red bleeding to start and you are not surprised when it does. It is hard to dream again.
Wow, what a thought-provoking post. While I can't really give an opinion on it, it def. gives a person something to think about.
Since I got dealt the primary IF hand, I tried my best to enjoy every second of my pregnancy. Like you, I always felt most confident when I was feeling my absolute worst. But once I could feel Lemy I really reveled in every second.
Now that I'm faced with the likely possibility of secondary IF, I can say that if I can't have another child I will be disappointed, but it will not be the end of the world. Lemy is blessing enough...anything more would just be icing on the cake. :)
I had both, so I can confirm that it is drastically different. We had primary IF and it took 6 years of marriage for our daughter to arrive. She's a product of ovulation induction/IUI. I remember all the anxiety attacks I had before I got pregnant after visiting every new niece and nephew that was born in our family. I was so stressed that it would never be us. Now it's taken 8 years and IVF to get pregnant with these two (yes! twins!). I'm only six weeks along, but I know by now that I'm already the mother to an amazing 8 year old little girl and anything else we get is a bonus. But I have to admit, I'm so excited two have three kids by the middle of this new year!!!!
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