***Pregnancy Mentioned***
Finally. I have found a large sense of relief in knowing my last IVIg treatment is next week. But in this relief I have also found some guilty feelings. It's not that I don't think that it's been worth it, cause I think that it has changed something but I am tired. I am tired of the needles, the planning, the ordering, and watching all that money disappear. Over the last three years my empathy with lab rats has increased three fold. I'm mostly just tired of it all.
As I said logically, I know that it has helped, it's just hard for the practical side of me when there is no baby to physically hold. This feeling reminds me of the days when I would hand the RE money trying to get here. Now I am trying to stay here. I can feel baby move regularly but somehow it's just different. I hope that these feelings don't make me a bad parent. I am sure that once I am holding Lil' P in my arms I will sigh with relief, happiness, and contentment. I am am just still waiting for the moment when I feel like everything is going to be okay.
My jury is still out on the whole doula thing. Although, the practical side of myself is still wining. I probably would do it but now that we are having one last treatment... well, it's just hard for me to justify. We'll see. Originally, I said I would make the decision by the end of this month but I think it may wait until after our second birthing class.
It's hard to believe but we have our first birthing class next Saturday. Crazy, crazy, crazy...
In other exciting news, we had snow here the other night but once the ground was nicely blanketed, it started to rain so I didn't get a picture. However, they are predicting snow for us again today so I think that I will post a picture of snow just to encourage old man winter.
2 comments:
I completely understand where you are. It's hard. When you've spent so much time just trying to get your body to do what it is "supposed" to do it is hard to have faith that is will actually work on its own. I often feel that there will be no escape from the worry, but I'm hopeful that we will turn that corner soon enough.
I'm hoping and praying that your corner is closer than you think.
HUGS!
That's an awesome picture! We've had more snow this winter than for the last several. It's been FREEZING here this last week though... brrr!
I'm glad to hear that your IVIg treatments are almost over. One more hurdle crossed. You're almost at the end of the tunnel! :)
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