At night, when I am feeding Lil' P, he will often fall asleep in my arms.
It's during these moments when I just stare at his sweet, perfect face and try to capture it forever in my mind.
I wonder who he will grow up to be and if I will be lucky enough to witness it. It often leads to silent tears as I begin to imagine the pain my mom went through in being forced to let go of her family earlier than she expected.
Then the pain and hurt of losing her quickly follows.
Life and death are a certainty of life. No matter how short or long. Unfair or just. I know that there can be no great sorrow without great love. These are the things that bring balance our universe.
I find myself always hoping that if there is one thing that I accomplish in my life here on earth it is that my precious little boy will know how much I loved him. But in striving for that goal-- I know that my absence, which will surely come, will bring him pain. The same sadness that lingers just below my surface.
And I am left feeling selfish for bringing something so life-altering to another.
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2 comments:
As painful as death is for those left to tend to the memories of the loved one who is lost, I think the beauty of life has the potential to be so much more powerful.
I try to take comfort in the idea that no matter how long I get to spend with Lemy, she will ultimately know how much I loved her because those that are left will share in the memories of our time together.
((LOTS OF HUGS))
I've nominated you over at my blog... :)
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