Next week is our "big" u/s. I will be 19 weeks.
I don't know why but I am freaked out. I am terrified that we will go in and they'll say, "Sorry, no heartbeat." So irrational.
But I know that it happens. Who's to say it won't happen to me?
I swear I have felt some movement which leads back to the irrational thought process. However, feelings are rarely ever about being rational. So it's just this big, ugly, irrational, circular motion.
I am still on the fence about finding out the the sex (assuming the above does not happen). I love, love, love the excitement that comes from not knowing. I also love the fact that not knowing drives other people crazy :) Plus, L would prefer to not find out.
But I also would really like to get some clothes ready as I discovered with LP, I like the pink or blue clothes as opposed to the yellow and green. If this is another boy he will be in a completely different season from LP so there will be no sharing clothes early on.
L and I are also having trouble around names- mostly boy names. I have had two dreams where we had another little boy and L was unhappy with what I named him- in real life and the dream. L is just not crazy about it.
I think that there is something to it because it was the same name in both dreams and the name itself was never previously discussed. I won't tell you the name just because I don't want to upset anyone- plus I am trying to keep it on the "list" because I really like it.
However, I would like your impute- finding out, yes or no? Discuss.
Achieved with tears, faith, hope, pure love, and a lot of medication.
This Is My Story
- Grad3
- I am 32 years old and a survivor of Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (RPL.) In 4 years we have lost a total of 7 pregnancies, 2 losses were after seeing a heartbeat. L and I were able to keep baby number 6 after I started IVIg treatments. We were able to add to our family in January 2010 after using Intralipid treatments. My current diagnosis is RPL, PCOS, Factor V, and Abnormal Leukocyte Antibodies.
Me and L During the Blissful Days of Ignorance
Fertility History
- Nov '05- Blighted Ovum Found At 10 Weeks (1st )
- Dec '05 to Jan '06- Pregnancy (2nd) and miscarried at 6 weeks
- Feb '06- Diagnosed With PCOS and Factor V
- March '06 to July '06- 1500mg of Metformin with Letrozole/ Clomid... No Response
- Aug '06- New RE... Injectable Cycle w/ Follistim and IUI
- Sept '06 to Oct '06- Pregnancy (3rd) Miscarriage, No Development After 6 Weeks, Chromosome Testing Came Back Normal
- Jan '07- New Insurance Means New RE
- Feb '07- Letrozole Cycle w/ Booster Injection and IUI... I responded!!
- March '07- Chemical Pregnancy (4th)
- April '07 to May '07 - Pregnancy (5th), Lost Heartbeat At 7w5d, Chromosome Testing Came Back Normal
- June '07- RE says Egg Donor... We Request Immune Testing, Refers Us To New RE
- July '07- New RE Requests Saline U/S and Immune Tests
- Aug '07- RE Finds Abnormal Leukocyte Antibodies
- Aug '07- Pregnancy (6th)
- Sept '07- Started IVIg Treatments
- May '08- Welcome to the World Lil' P!!
- Sept '08- Not Trying but Not Preventing
- Nov '08- Pregnancy (7th), Miscarriage at 7w
- Dec '08 to Jan '09- Pregnancy (8th), Lost Heartbeat At 7w3d
- May '09- Pregnancy (9th)
- May '09 to Sept '09- Intralipid Treatments with Predisone (20w)
- Jan '10- Welcome to the World Triumph!
Books, Novels, and Authors to Read
- Jen Lancaster (love her!)
- Philippa Gregory
- Savich and Sherlock: The FBI Series by Catherine Coulture
- The Enchanted Inc. Series by Shanna Swendson
- The Shopoholic Series by Sophie Kinsella
- The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, MD
- Stephanie Plum Novels by Janet Evanovich
- Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling (duh!)
- Kay Scarpetta Novels by Patricia Corwell
Movies and TV Shows
- Sex In The City
- CSI: Las Vegas
- Dead Like Me (it was only two seasons)
- Legally Blonde
- Criminal Minds
- News Radio
- Emma
- Pride and Prejudice (A&E Version)
Other Things I Like
- The Sound of My Family Laughing
- Thunderstorms
- The Smell of a Camp Fire
- My Favorite Season is Fall
- A Grande Mocha from Starbucks
- Chocolate (what can't it fix beside my uterus?)
3 comments:
ooo i wouldn't find out. :) i found out with my first and when i got pregnant the 2nd time (m/c later) i didn't want to find out ;) and if i ever get pg again i dont' want to. so much more fun to keep me hopefully distracted?
Ya know, I said the entire time with B that I wanted to know. I was like you, preferring blues and pinks over neutrals...and I never thought about just waiting. But now, having found out the first time, I might be tempted to wait if there's ever a second time, just for fun. Who knows though...
As far as names...if it's a girl, I think Courtney is a beautiful choice:-) hehe
I vote for finding out, mainly because I hate not knowin things and it would drive me nuts! Plus I like to plan and be mentally prepared. Oh and there's the fact that G insists on finding out. He asked the midwife if she could tell what this one was. I was like, "hello??? We can barely see a heartbeat on this stupid blurry screen!!!" ugh, men. ;)
Good luck with your appointment and your decision! ((hugs))
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