Surreal

***pregnancy mentioned***

My name was on the marquee! It was up there in lights!

Alright, that's exaggerating a bit- well a lot- but that is what it felt like. The other night I received an evite to my very own baby shower. I can't help myself from looking at it a couple of times a day. I just keep thinking, "Wow, that's me... the invitation is talking about me. Me and my baby." Sounds weird to say that about an invitation and not the act of registering.

There are still times when I wonder if I am really going to have this baby. You know like, "Are we really going to get a dog?" or "Are we really going to backpack across Europe?" These are things that you talk about but do they really happen?

I have to say overall it really does look like we will have a baby come May. Then doubt and worry start to kick in. I have been worried lately that maybe we shouldn't have stopped the IVIg treatments. Despite Lil' P seeming to move more than ever and she (remember I use "he" ans "she" interchangeably!) woke me up several times last night. I know that it's all just fear but it still all seems so surreal to me. So surely the rug will be pulled out form under me if my expectations are too high.

As for the other part of my life that isn't nearly as surreal- figuring out how we are going to make things work financially once the baby is here. Things are tight right now and since my work is really, really slow things just got a lot tighter. What are we going to do when this happens and the baby is here??? I am trying to remind myself that there is still plenty of time to figure it out and make adjustments. Perhaps my new mantra should be "God would not give us anything that we couldn't handle" as this is the phrase I have been repeating to myself these past two weeks.

Ugh, if only I could have won the lottery two nights ago. That would have made everything surreal- in a good way.