What a Long Road

Well, I guess in many eyes the road hasn't been that long.

I am experiencing a decrease in my milk supply yet again. I was getting 6oz. in my morning and night pumpings and 2oz. during my other 4 pumpings. Now, I am lucky if I get 3oz. per attempt.

I have decided to stop breastfeeding/ pumping all together. I am surprised that I feel both sad and disappointed, as I planned on doing this for another 2 months. I feel like I am not doing my part as a woman or mother, that I have failed somehow and this failure means I love my son less than other mothers who have continued to breastfeed. Intellectually, I know that it's not true and would quickly try to dispel these thoughts if a friend shared these sentiments with me. Right now, I am only hoping that my emotional side will catch up soon.

I have not told my sister yet and will probably try to hide it as long as possible. She has made it clear on different occasions how she feels about formula and formula companies then add the fact that she's a LaLach.e Lea.gue leader... well, you can imagine.

My pediatrician says that it's fine to use formula and that babies receive the greatest benefit in the first 3 months. He also told me not to worry- Lil' P will still go to Harvard.

I didn't have the heart to point out that we can't afford for him to go to Harvard, as we spent all our money just trying to have him. If he does go to Harvard someday... here's hoping that that the breast milk he did get raised his IQ enough to get an academic scholarship.