We continue to struggle with breast feeding. We just cannot seem to keep the correct latch going once nursing begins. So I have resolved to the fact that we will always be using a nipple shield. We tried practicing the latch- pulling him off when it's not right etc. but it was such a frustrating experience for the both of us. It just wasn't worth it anymore.
Our little man is eating about every 2 hours right now and I feel like a cow- I am starting to consider the "big no-no"... adding some formula to one of our night feedings (I will wait for gasps to stop)-
I am just so, so, so tired. I don't like feeling this way. I don't feel like I have the patience or stamina to deal with fussiness that Lil' P has sometimes- the nightitme feedings are the worst. Then I don't want to go out during the day because I am too tired- and I NEED to get out and engage with other adults. When I don't have sleep I am NOT a good parent (seriously, I am not), I get so desperately frustrated. People I know keep saying it's going to get better but no one can tell me when. If I knew when I feel like I might be able to cope better. Instead, I am tired all the time. I actually miss having the energy to complete a load of laundry. Or to clean the kitchen. Or the house in general now as it's a wreck. I know all these things are to expected but I don't feel good as a person, parent, or wife when I feel worn out and exhausted all day long, everyday.
I never realized how much pressure there was out there to breastfeed. When I told the hospital staff and my dr's that I was breastfeeding they all said "good for you" or "great- keep it up". What do they say to the women who don't? I know that breast milk is best for our baby but isn't a reasonably sane mother just as beneficial??
I am still holding out but the honest truth is- I don't want to strictly breast feed anymore. I want some one to tell me it's fine to use formula and then to hand me a case of the stuff. I want and need some of my sleep back and I need to feel like more than just a cow. I want to feel like I am better parent and not be judged because formula might help me do that.
Achieved with tears, faith, hope, pure love, and a lot of medication.
This Is My Story
- Grad3
- I am 32 years old and a survivor of Recurrent Pregnancy Loss (RPL.) In 4 years we have lost a total of 7 pregnancies, 2 losses were after seeing a heartbeat. L and I were able to keep baby number 6 after I started IVIg treatments. We were able to add to our family in January 2010 after using Intralipid treatments. My current diagnosis is RPL, PCOS, Factor V, and Abnormal Leukocyte Antibodies.
Me and L During the Blissful Days of Ignorance
Fertility History
- Nov '05- Blighted Ovum Found At 10 Weeks (1st )
- Dec '05 to Jan '06- Pregnancy (2nd) and miscarried at 6 weeks
- Feb '06- Diagnosed With PCOS and Factor V
- March '06 to July '06- 1500mg of Metformin with Letrozole/ Clomid... No Response
- Aug '06- New RE... Injectable Cycle w/ Follistim and IUI
- Sept '06 to Oct '06- Pregnancy (3rd) Miscarriage, No Development After 6 Weeks, Chromosome Testing Came Back Normal
- Jan '07- New Insurance Means New RE
- Feb '07- Letrozole Cycle w/ Booster Injection and IUI... I responded!!
- March '07- Chemical Pregnancy (4th)
- April '07 to May '07 - Pregnancy (5th), Lost Heartbeat At 7w5d, Chromosome Testing Came Back Normal
- June '07- RE says Egg Donor... We Request Immune Testing, Refers Us To New RE
- July '07- New RE Requests Saline U/S and Immune Tests
- Aug '07- RE Finds Abnormal Leukocyte Antibodies
- Aug '07- Pregnancy (6th)
- Sept '07- Started IVIg Treatments
- May '08- Welcome to the World Lil' P!!
- Sept '08- Not Trying but Not Preventing
- Nov '08- Pregnancy (7th), Miscarriage at 7w
- Dec '08 to Jan '09- Pregnancy (8th), Lost Heartbeat At 7w3d
- May '09- Pregnancy (9th)
- May '09 to Sept '09- Intralipid Treatments with Predisone (20w)
- Jan '10- Welcome to the World Triumph!
Books, Novels, and Authors to Read
- Jen Lancaster (love her!)
- Philippa Gregory
- Savich and Sherlock: The FBI Series by Catherine Coulture
- The Enchanted Inc. Series by Shanna Swendson
- The Shopoholic Series by Sophie Kinsella
- The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, MD
- Stephanie Plum Novels by Janet Evanovich
- Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling (duh!)
- Kay Scarpetta Novels by Patricia Corwell
Movies and TV Shows
- Sex In The City
- CSI: Las Vegas
- Dead Like Me (it was only two seasons)
- Legally Blonde
- Criminal Minds
- News Radio
- Emma
- Pride and Prejudice (A&E Version)
Other Things I Like
- The Sound of My Family Laughing
- Thunderstorms
- The Smell of a Camp Fire
- My Favorite Season is Fall
- A Grande Mocha from Starbucks
- Chocolate (what can't it fix beside my uterus?)
8 comments:
My baby is 4 weeks old and we STILL struggle with breastfeeding. Like you, I'm about at my wits end, but everyone says it will get better...I'm just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I've had plenty of milk blisters, plugged ducts, and borderline mastitis. I have faithfully fed or pumped every 2-3 hours and it will get better for a few days and then bad again. Like you said, night feedings are the worst for me too.
All this to say...I understand!!!
it's fine to breastfeed. seriously....at some point (which it sounds like you are at) you need to consider your own health (physical and emotional)--and a little formula at night to keep baby sleeping a bit longer is likely just what you both need! (please please please don't feel guilty about that....you need to take care of yourself, too!)
Everyone that I have spoken to (I'm surrounded by new moms IRL) has said that usually by 6 weeks things start to get better--its just making it through the first 6 weeks. So, there is an "end" insight to the sleeplessness (or at least that's what they're telling me).
As for the formula...you have to do what is best for you. And if you need sleep then supplement. Or, have you tried pumping and storing the milk? That way you or hubby can give him a bottle at night instead of you having to get up to feed him? Just a thought, though I don't know if it is a realistic one for you right now.
I can't say that I understand, but please know that I'm thinking of you and sending as many positive vibes out to you as I can. HUGS!!! (and prayers for a good night's sleep).
IT IS FINE TO USE FORMULA. I am not joking, it really, really, really is.
I struggled with breastfeeding Megan for 6 grueling weeks. Supplemental nursing systems, nipple shields, and many many many hours of crying on both of our parts. It was pure hell and I attribute much of my post partum depression to the emotional and physical exhaustion fueled by those weeks.
Fast forward to last week when Liam came home from the hospital and decided to give me hard time with breastfeeding... I just couldn't do it again. I immediately started pumping and using bottles. I also immediately procured a can of powdered formula and had a stern talk with myself in the mirror about how formula is NOT THE DEVIL.
What is first and foremost of the ultimate importance is your health and well being. If you aren't coherent, you aren't helping anyone. Please allow yourself to ditch the guilt of using formula. There is NO SHAME in supplementing. Hell, there is no shame in ditching breastfeeding altogether at some point and going exclusively to formula. But take baby steps.
Most importantly, take care of yourself. I'm thinking about you...
Way back when I had my son, there was so much pressure to breastfeed -- from the doctors, from the nurses, from family, friends and strangers -- that, as usual, I took the opposite position and decided that there was no way in the world that I would breastfeed. And I didn't.
I know it's easier said than done, but you should do whatever feels right for you -- whether that's breastfeeding or formula feeding or combining the two. People are always going to have lots of opinions about what you should and shouldn't do. But since they don't have to live with the consequences, you should feel free to ignore them.
Hey lady! You have to do what's best for you and Lil'P. Giving him formula and/or pumping your milk and bottle feeding him is COMPLETELY fine. The process is really exhausting but you get through it. Just let me know if you need anything. Love you!
I have no experience with this, but I am thinking of you, and wishing that this will get easier for you. I can't help but think there comes a breaking point where you have to cry "uncle" and go to plan B. Maybe give your pediatrician a call? Keep us posted, sending you hugs.
First of all, sorry I never got around to congratulating you on the birth! I'm glad you are doing well (even if you're exhausted).
As far as breastfeeding vs formula...honey, do what you feel is best for you and your little man. Plenty of children drink formula and are very healthy. You need to stay healthy also. I believe my sister bf but also did a few feedings of formula at times as well.
Sending good thoughts and rest your way
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